One man's journal through the swamps of mangled media!
From Jess Franco and Lina Romay to Christina Lindberg to the art of Eurocine. Cinema For The "Aware" Audience!
Time for a few additions to the CineMoments Meme on a Monday morning! Check out this post for more details, or just enjoy the pics that make me go WHA WHA WHAAAAT? Today is the AL BRADLEY edition-or to quote his film HOMICIDE IN A BLUE LIGHT, "It's ice cream, not shit! Lick it!!"
Cross Mission!!! While it is hardly the most exciting film in the Al Bradley canon, it has the upside of the fantastic Nelson de la Rosa appearing as ASTAROTH the mystical man the size of a tootsee roll. He shoots blasts of energy, he has a painted portrait and he takes this fairly simple action film in to the realm of the best of Brescia's spacers!! I reviewed this one for Tough To Kill, and you can read it here.
The Beast In Space!!! This entire film is nuts, a porned up Space Saga from the master of the 12 cent light saber. With this guy stalking you, it gives a whole new meaning to that "svooosh" sound effect that gets lifted from Star Wars. Review here.
Iron Warrior! This baddie is pretty much exactly what I would have tried to draw when I was 11 years old. Truly awesome, and while the film is really just OK, it is not only notable for a cool character design or two, but also that an HD version is shown on MGM HD! Viva Brescia!!
And now..the greatest sequence involving a Football player, a hollow football, a grenade and a helicopter ever shot and presented to an eager audience that loves EXPLOSIONS. THE LAST MATCH!!!
While not directed by Al Brescia (the honors go to Fabrizio De Angelis)...this is perfectly in line with what has come before it. PUNT!!
"Oh dag...our rescue mission is gonna go bad. Drop back and PUNT!!"
"Ah....this should do the trick-Power To The Pigskin!!!"
Yep, if there is one thing I've made that describes exactly how much of a European Trash CineGeek I am it would be this. A mousepad. For Amazons and Supermen! SUPERSTOOGES on my desk.
This is a great day to be a trash fan, and I've even watched TWO Brescia films this week. This just tops it all off.
Enjoy my nerd-dom...or laugh at me. Either way, I'VE GOT AN AL BRADLEY MOUSEPAD!!!
And the design... Lobby Cards, Poster and a bit of the German DVD jacket...
I can never get enough of Alfonso Brescia and his film Amazons and Supermen (see HERE and HERE and HERE for proof)...So, a quick VHS cover to pass the time until Casual (un)Dress Friday!
Who here does not love Al Bradley films?? Come on...Beast In Space, Cross Mission, Amazons Against Supermen, War of the Planets, Iron Warrior...and the list goes on!!
Well I sure do, and when Artscow had a free mousepad promotion I was struck by the overwhelming desire to have a little slab of Brescia Bacchanalia beneath my hands at the computer.
And so this was born... More Mousepads coming soon? Well, if I find a free promo...sure!!
I've been on an Al Bradley / Alfonso Brescia vision quest of Science Fiction madness for the last three nights. I enjoy these films not because they are "bad" or "good" by any standard, but they are unique and just plain weird.
But when I think of Brescia, I always think of the awesomely goofy AMAZONS VS. SUPERMEN / SUPERSTOOGES VS. THE WONDER WOMEN first. I posted on this film back when the limited edition German DVD was released right here, and celebrated the ultimate final gasp n' spurt of the Science Fiction films of Brescia with my take on THE BEAST IN SPACE...and I was thrilled to find these great lobby cards on Ebay for Amazons vs. Supermen. Now, I don't have 80 extra dollars to buy them, but if are like me you want to cover your workspace in images from SUPERSTOOGES VS. THE WONDER WOMEN-so click, print and enjoy. The ultimate Peplum / Superhero / Comedy / Action film (by Alfonso Brescia) for your viewing pleasure-enjoy!!
With Richard Randall, Maurice Poli, Peter Hintz, Nelson de la Rosa
“How could you believe that one man alone, even a superman, could be victorious against a fortress?”
No sane person has accused Alfonso Brescia of creating “good” movies but for those who love their films cheap fast and weird, the man is an icon. I love finding a new one to watch, or even revisiting his greatest hits-and Cross Mission is incredible entertainment. ONLY Alfonso Brescia could make an 80s EuroAction flick like this!To put it simply... As War Of The Robots is to Star Wars, Cross Mission is to Rambo!
As General Romero (Maurice Poli) sets forth to prove his tiny nation truly does hate the drug trade, that we just know he runs, he demonstrates his military might on the “death plantations” in explosive fashion. But it just doesn’t seem right. United journalists from around the globe, who all happen to speak English of course, demand an audience with Romero to get the details. This includes sexy and feisty Helen-a gal reporter with a beautiful body and some fists of fury to boot. Catching her eye is William Corbett, a man of action that not only knows the General well, is also supposed to help him. He is a badass fighter as he demonstrates immediately as well.William tells her all about the bizarre Romero, not only is he a dictator but a BLACK MAGICIAN who can summon a TINY MAN called Astaroth.Uh, and that little guy can zap people with his mystic beams!
What?Well… thank you Al Brescia, this is something different.
The two end up crossed by Romero, join some rebels and blow the hell out of everything and everyone that looks vaguely bad. Bridges explode, micro-mini monsters zap and twitch, more bullets fly and a final satanic showdown is afoot!
Simple really…
To really “get” Cross Mission, you have to accept that the name Al Bradley is in the credits and conventional gloves are off. The movie may slow down in spots, it may be poorly made and it could be colossal waste of time, but sometimes Al got it right.This film is loaded to the top of the evil Astaroth’s head with bizarre dialogue, lengthy sequences of walking and driving, strange twists and silly “special” effects, making it one of the more unique entries into the Italian Action Genre.Brescia doesn’t exude style by a mile, he instead pours on strangeness to try to abate the boredom of the long transition sequences. The leads are wooden to say the very least, though certainly competent. All the rebels wear headbands and the explosions are lifted from Bridge to Hell, which was also produced at A.M. Trading by the king of recycling, Ettore Spagnuolo, so the standard conventions do get met.But it is impossible (for some admittedly) to not enjoy a movie that has little Nelson de la Rosa of Ratman infamy simply appear and disappear without so much as a poof of smoke at seemingly random times.Plus, it contains an amazing reaction shot of Maurice Poli in a death sequence… I don’t think it’s what he will want to be remembered for, but it is now etched into my cinematic memory.
A smattering of action scenes, black magic terror, demonic midgets, recycled Stelvio Cipriani music and a load of people being shot up and stabbed in the name of adventure and entertainment… Cross Mission delivers that in it’s unexpected package, and is a nice diversion for those who want to walk on the fringe of the fringes of Italian Cult Cinema.It’s a narrow ledge, but if you don’t slip off it, you’ll say Viva Brescia…hail Astaroth!
MORE Eurotrash bliss from MGM HD! Did you ever think you would see Al Bradley / Al Brescia in HD on cable? His ATOR movie at that?? Not me, but boy am I happy! I love Al Brescia and I love Ator. Just look at these screens. I'm hoping for a nice print of Ator 2 soon...
Starring Sirpa Lane, Vassilli Karis, Venantino Venantini, Marina Frajese and Maria D'Alessandro Directed by Alfonso Brescia / Al Bradley
At last! The DVD the world has been aching for has arrived. Well, the world at large may not be going crazy over the release of The Beast In Space, but I certainly am. My enjoyment of the films of Alfonso Brescia (better known as Al Bradley to the trashmongers amongst us) is pretty well known. Be it classic Peplum like Revolt Of The Praetorians or bizarre action films such as Cross Mission-you just know you are in for something special. And by special I do not mean "so bad it's good" special-I mean bizarre and unique. I really hate the above mantra of something being "bad" in order to be entertaining. Perhaps those that subscribe to that feel some odd shame at being entertained by "lesser" films? I don't know...but I do know that I genuinely like these films. They are sort of like sleeping in a room with a vacuum running. No problem...for me. And the best films in his body of vacations that look like work are the Al Bradley Space Quadrilogy Motion Pictures. You may remember (and you are forgiven if not) that I posted links to two of these some time back in this post. Yes, you can watch COMPLETE Al Bradley flicks on your desk top. Or, you can simply purchase them on dollar dvds-and while that is less than perfect, at least you can stand in the glow of such amazing wonder for yourself.
A truly classic bit of Brescia, the EVIL EYED reflection of the ROBO BEAST
So what in hell is The Beast In Space? Well, not satisfied to retire the Golden Men and all those swank cardboard sets, Brescia takes one last whack at the outer space genre. And I do mean whacks on and Whack OFF this time. Our dashing hero, Captain Madison is played by Vassilli Karis with as much passion as the role demands ("Uranus milk!"). After he pops into the spaceport he immediately hooks up with a space chick, gets in a fight and gets laid. Hell yes, we like this guy. But it is never easy...turns out that he gets with the one and only Sirpa Lane as Sondra Richardson-not exactly stunning, but sexy space gal with a problem. The problem is...she is stuck reliving an intensely boring Borowczyk film in her dreams. The actress playing her is rather infamous from that particular performance it appears. Now, before you skin me alive let me just say this: I DO NOT GET THE FILMS OF WALERIAN BOROWCZYK at all. I do get Al Brescia though, so I've found the version of La Bete for me thanks much. With a little more thought, I bet any person that reads this blog realizes that I'm not exactly the sharpest knife in the film critique toolbox, but I am easily entertained. So, Sondra is chased by a Beast in her dreams-and the Cap blows that off, since he is really just out for the booty. BUT THEN! Well, Sondra is part of his crew...after boxing with the cool anti-hero of our film, the great Venantino Venantini-it turns out that the Han Solo guy has a rare element in his possession. And the leaders of space need more. So, off they chase. Space battles ensue. To belabor the "plot" would be silly. After a close call our heroes end up on a forbidden planet of lusts-all at the mercy of a wacked out SuperComputer!
After much orgy and dining action occurs, it turns out that indeed...THE BEAST IS IN SPACE, and ready to violate Sondra for real. And he does. In very graphic fashion. And this is where the XXX material comes in to play. With such luminaries of the porn world like Marina Frajese (aka Hedman and even Lotar in this film) you know it will be a physical film, but there are tons of pulsing and popping close ups to see...all running over the usual soundtrack gibberish I enjoy so much. Frankly, this is awesome stuff. TRULY a triptopornographic puzzle of flesh and foam. But THEN!! Our crew gathers its wits and pounds the snot out of the great Gold Men that Brescia space fans know so well. And there is indeed a light saber battle. Now, you know they are going to escape, but how much will the Beast do? How cool is the ultimate computer? And if you, like me, actually do find this exciting then we should have dinner. While it is rather juvenile in the action department, I just love these sci-fi knock off films-they are never boring. Of course, I've also watched hundreds of Tokusatsu shows in languages I don't understand...
Now this is one sexy spacewoman!
I can't recommend anything more than for any discerning sleaze movie fan to check this out-heck, I say have yourself an Al Bradley In Space party with some friends. If they make it all the way to The Beast In Space they are both strong cinematic wonders AND will have a real shock to end the night. Severin has done a great job with this disc, though I cut straight to the chase and viewed the XXX edition straight away. Interestingly, the two run the same time, with one five minute segment (and you'll know which one) being different and including hard core shots. Basically, we have a perfect disc in hand. Included are some bonus deleted scenes that include...BEAST IN SPACE SPURTING. Of the nearly 3 minutes of rubbing, sucking, slurping and squirting extras, the only thing that left me wondering was why that one shot wasn't in the film. A must see-truly Eurotrash gold. Support Severin, support good trash and enjoy awe inspiring European Trash Cinema today! Now, for your viewing pleasure I proudly present... a bad day for Sirpa Lane! Your jaw will drop as we look at one of the finest moments in the astounding filmography of Alfonso Brescia.
Just another day...being fondled on an alien planet while under the influence of a cardboard super computer out of control. He seems so nice...and my nipples are making David Z so happy. So very...happy.
Hey...where are you going? Yes...your teeth may be imperfect, but card board supercomputer is making me so...hot. I feel a strange torpor-though I don't know what that means. Hmm...are you frowning. My nipples are not enough? They make that Z guy so happy! Oh you want to show me something. Groovy...really co-
WOAH!!! Whatchoo' talkin' bout big man? I don't think this is going to Pan out. Get it...Pan? Hah!! Oh...this ain't good.
Uh...I think the card board supercomputer juice is wearing off...
GRRRRR... I'm CUMMIN' for ya Sirpa. This ain't your first time around the Beastly Block, but it sure is your weirdest!!
Gentle reader... I implore you. Purchase THE BEAST IN SPACE and join me in the Al Bradley Army Of Brescianic Bacchanalia! Xploited Cinema stocks both the XXX version and the Unrated cut. VIVA...BRESCIA!
After enjoying the sublime absurdity of SUPER STOOGES AGAINST THE WONDER WOMEN on DVD, I realized something. I just love the silly world of Alfonso Brescia (Al Bradley). I do... you can ask the why or how of it and I can not answer you in any critical fashion. Is it the sheer ineptitude of these films that attracts me? I don't think so, because I find many of them so darn entertaining. While I would probably cite CROSS MISSION as my favorite-simply because I love the Italian 80's action flicks and it may be the oddest of the batch, Al Bradley is most known and reviled for his series of outer space films that are sort of Star Wars knock offs, but tinged with so much acidic brainburn that they become something utterly unique. These may be the junkiest science fiction films I've ever encountered. And my friends, if you go in with the right mind and attitude (or can stoop as low as myself to be entertained), then you are going to love watching these. Two of the films are available on Google Video, so I've posted them here for you to look at. I'm not a fan of watching films in the way myself, but let them load and then just poke around...you'll be AMAZED at what you find. Groovy music for RoboHeads (think Kraftwerk minus rythym), wild costumes and thriftstore effects all wrapped around the silliest stories set in space ever written. I'm thinking we need more Al Brescia on this blog!!
STAR ODYSSEY (aka Metallica / Sette uomini d'oro nello spazio / Captive Planet)
COSMOS-WAR OF THE PLANETS (Anno zero - guerra nello spazio)
