Wednesday, May 07, 2008

The Beast In Space = Brescia Bacchanalia

Severin Films

Starring Sirpa Lane, Vassilli Karis, Venantino Venantini, Marina Frajese and Maria D'Alessandro
Directed by Alfonso Brescia / Al Bradley

At last! The DVD the world has been aching for has arrived. Well, the world at large may not be going crazy over the release of The Beast In Space, but I certainly am. My enjoyment of the films of Alfonso Brescia (better known as Al Bradley to the trashmongers amongst us) is pretty well known. Be it classic Peplum like Revolt Of The Praetorians or bizarre action films such as Cross Mission-you just know you are in for something special. And by special I do not mean "so bad it's good" special-I mean bizarre and unique.
I really hate the above mantra of something being "bad" in order to be entertaining. Perhaps those that subscribe to that feel some odd shame at being entertained by "lesser" films? I don't know...but I do know that I genuinely like these films. They are sort of like sleeping in a room with a vacuum running. No problem...for me.
And the best films in his body of vacations that look like work are the Al Bradley Space Quadrilogy Motion Pictures. You may remember (and you are forgiven if not) that I posted links to two of these some time back in this post. Yes, you can watch COMPLETE Al Bradley flicks on your desk top. Or, you can simply purchase them on dollar dvds-and while that is less than perfect, at least you can stand in the glow of such amazing wonder for yourself.

A truly classic bit of Brescia, the EVIL EYED reflection of the ROBO BEAST

So what in hell is The Beast In Space? Well, not satisfied to retire the Golden Men and all those swank cardboard sets, Brescia takes one last whack at the outer space genre. And I do mean whacks on and Whack OFF this time. Our dashing hero, Captain Madison is played by Vassilli Karis with as much passion as the role demands ("Uranus milk!"). After he pops into the spaceport he immediately hooks up with a space chick, gets in a fight and gets laid.
Hell yes, we like this guy.
But it is never easy...turns out that he gets with the one and only Sirpa Lane as Sondra Richardson-not exactly stunning, but sexy space gal with a problem. The problem is...she is stuck reliving an intensely boring Borowczyk film in her dreams. The actress playing her is rather infamous from that particular performance it appears. Now, before you skin me alive let me just say this: I DO NOT GET THE FILMS OF WALERIAN BOROWCZYK at all. I do get Al Brescia though, so I've found the version of La Bete for me thanks much.
With a little more thought, I bet any person that reads this blog realizes that I'm not exactly the sharpest knife in the film critique toolbox, but I am easily entertained.
So, Sondra is chased by a Beast in her dreams-and the Cap blows that off, since he is really just out for the booty.
Well, Sondra is part of his crew...after boxing with the cool anti-hero of our film, the great Venantino Venantini-it turns out that the Han Solo guy has a rare element in his possession. And the leaders of space need more.
So, off they chase. Space battles ensue. To belabor the "plot" would be silly. After a close call our heroes end up on a forbidden planet of lusts-all at the mercy of a wacked out SuperComputer!

After much orgy and dining action occurs, it turns out that indeed...THE BEAST IS IN SPACE, and ready to violate Sondra for real.
And he does. In very graphic fashion. And this is where the XXX material comes in to play. With such luminaries of the porn world like Marina Frajese (aka Hedman and even Lotar in this film) you know it will be a physical film, but there are tons of pulsing and popping close ups to see...all running over the usual soundtrack gibberish I enjoy so much. Frankly, this is awesome stuff. TRULY a triptopornographic puzzle of flesh and foam.
But THEN!! Our crew gathers its wits and pounds the snot out of the great Gold Men that Brescia space fans know so well. And there is indeed a light saber battle. Now, you know they are going to escape, but how much will the Beast do? How cool is the ultimate computer? And if you, like me, actually do find this exciting then we should have dinner. While it is rather juvenile in the action department, I just love these sci-fi knock off films-they are never boring. Of course, I've also watched hundreds of Tokusatsu shows in languages I don't understand...

Now this is one sexy spacewoman!

I can't recommend anything more than for any discerning sleaze movie fan to check this out-heck, I say have yourself an Al Bradley In Space party with some friends. If they make it all the way to The Beast In Space they are both strong cinematic wonders AND will have a real shock to end the night.
Severin has done a great job with this disc, though I cut straight to the chase and viewed the XXX edition straight away. Interestingly, the two run the same time, with one five minute segment (and you'll know which one) being different and including hard core shots. Basically, we have a perfect disc in hand. Included are some bonus deleted scenes that include...BEAST IN SPACE SPURTING. Of the nearly 3 minutes of rubbing, sucking, slurping and squirting extras, the only thing that left me wondering was why that one shot wasn't in the film. A must see-truly Eurotrash gold.
Support Severin, support good trash and enjoy awe inspiring European Trash Cinema today!
Now, for your viewing pleasure I proudly present... a bad day for Sirpa Lane! Your jaw will drop as we look at one of the finest moments in the astounding filmography of Alfonso Brescia.

Just another day...being fondled on an alien planet while under the influence of a cardboard super computer out of control. He seems so nice...and my nipples are making David Z so happy. So very...happy.

Hey...where are you going? Yes...your teeth may be imperfect, but card board supercomputer is making me I feel a strange torpor-though I don't know what that means. Hmm...are you frowning. My nipples are not enough? They make that Z guy so happy! Oh you want to show me something. Groovy...really co-

WOAH!!! Whatchoo' talkin' bout big man? I don't think this is going to Pan out. Get it...Pan? Hah!! Oh...this ain't good.

Uh...I think the card board supercomputer juice is wearing off...

GRRRRR... I'm CUMMIN' for ya Sirpa. This ain't your first time around the Beastly Block, but it sure is your weirdest!!

Gentle reader... I implore you. Purchase THE BEAST IN SPACE and join me in the Al Bradley Army Of Brescianic Bacchanalia! Xploited Cinema stocks both the XXX version and the Unrated cut. VIVA...BRESCIA!


Anonymous said...

Yeees! Best review so far of this Brescia classic with an enormous "I-can't-belive-it-got-made" factor (actually it's my least favorite of his psychotronic space operas, but still great! You're talking with a guy who has seen STAR ODYSSEY 10 times or more...). I don't get it either why people need to hide behind the "so-bad-it's-good" argument to admit they are entertained by this. In my world these films are beyond good or bad and have their own unique, naive, trashy & highly addictive charm.

I agree about Borowcyk too. Everytime I watch one of his films I think top myself: this is NOT why I watch these films. So far i've watched three of his movies - and seventeen of Brescia's! So there's no doubt who I find the more interesting director there...

David A. Zuzelo said...

Thanks Lars, I'm very appreciative of the comment.
I was actually going to check out the story that footage from The Beast was in this movie, but I simply could not drag myself to watch the Borowczyk film.

I had to watch EYES BEHIND THE STARS instead!!

Anonymous said...

Hehe, i'm at work and somebody passing me just gave me a very funny look when I was scrolling through your page and the image of the giant-cocked beastman appeared... If I get fired now i'm gonna blame you. ;)

Aaah... EYES BEHIND THE STARS. Dark chocolate and espresso for the jaded euro-trash aficionado. Stiff exploitation at its finest. Definitvely one of my all time italian faves! Good choice!

Actually Borowzyk made one movie that's really beatiful, the 1968 film GOTO, L'ILE D'AMOUR. I really like that film a lot. Based on what i've seen from him I would classify him as a good director but a very boring, pretentious pornographer.

Greg Baty said...

Fantastic review. I wrote it up over on The Playground as well. This movie is fanfuckingtastic. I can't recommend it enough.

Anonymous said...

Help me, David. I have trouble choosing between the unrated or the XXX version. Which one do you think I should buy? I'm not crazy about the hardcore scene but I totally want to have the complete version of the film. Are the hardcore scene done by the real actress or just some random inserts?
Thanks a lot, man!