Thursday, March 23, 2017

Slasher.Com - Syber-Slasher Spoons Out Some Superb Shepard

Lurking on your Walmart shelf this week lurking behind a rather generic cover and a "lets try that again" tagline is Chip Gubera's clever and fun SLASHER.COM.  A slasher film with a .com on it that contains a plot point about there being NO INTERNET ACCESS through much of the film.  That's OK, the idea of a Tindr For Terror may not get used much, but the movie offers a lot of good cheap thrills with boobs, blood, babes, man booty and a plot that doesn't overplay it's hand but doesn't settle for being standard either. 

An opening sequence features the expected hook up n' slash sequence that cover promises a lot of, but serves only to provide context that there is a serial killer hooking up on social sites and chopping throats and leaving digital debris as the most tattooed n' head stubbled police on the force seek out the murder.  Who could it be? Our clue..he wears black underwear!  I got this in the video aisle of Walmart, and ironically, men's boxer briefs are less than 10 feet away!   So, after the title we meet our two leads... Meet Kristy and Jack. They met online. And they are going on a date. She is incredibly perky, flirty and ready for some action.  He is intensely awkward, shy and seemed pretty interested in the S/ case on TV.  Hmm....both of them are acting SO BROADLY it would seem they may be more than they are telling each other.  But for now, lets just say they are irritating but entertaining and make for a good set of folks to put on a first date.

Seems sensible, right?  Well, who cares?!  They talk a bit and get to know each other inside and out (phew, the first off screen sex scene had me worried...fear not fans of the "production value" however!)...and they get to meet their hosts.  That would be the unbelievably awesome MAMA played by Jewel Shepard and Jesse, which has my second favorite Leatherface R.A. Mihailoff in top form as well.  The pair get a sit down with mama and her family spoon, an item that you can retire next to Jason's mask and the bubbly evil brain thing from Fred Olen Ray's POSSESSED BY THE NIGHT in my hall of fame. See, MAMA is kind of like putting an intensely sexy spin on Carol Burnett as Eunice from Mama's Family!  If you think Kirsty is flirty, wait til you get a load of Mama! 

After some creepy family drama with their daughter, the buxotic and "YOU GOTTA GET ME OUTTA HERE" Caitlin... the duo is off for more humping. More talking and then...they get a nightcap from the lovable Mama..."Thanks, Mama!"  Then all hell breaks loose. Mama's spoon, it ain't just for breakfast soufflé my rascally readers.   It gets into ALL kinds of trouble. This one made me of the first gags I've had in a long time watching movies!  Of course, that is a stamp of approval here in the Tomb.

After the bad intentions of the Myers are revealed (at this point only the leads appear to be in suspense!) there is some REALLY nasty little bits and Shepard takes Mama so far over the top, the top is about 3 miles down. Can they survive? And better yet, why is everyone acting so god damned weird.  All gets revealed and you'll finish up SLASHER.COM as the film wants you too, having a good time with the constraints of the standard slasher, but putting a few obvious twists into it.  OK, one I didn't even suss out, but it made sense and sold me that I'd recommend this one highly amidst the morass of "kinda looks like WRONG TURN cover art" films that clog the shelves. 

I've sung the praises of Jewel Shepard and most of the other thespians spread the standard characters wide enough for the viewer to feel like there is more going on below the surface.  Mihailoff gets some good dialog that is as big as his hulking frame and I found myself enjoying his character a lot more than the usual Machete Swinging Maniac.  I'm still a bit unsure how much super power he is supposed to have, but you'll have to see it and judge for yourself. 

Overall this is a groovy entry into the horrors of 2017 that isn't afraid to balance the clever with the conventional and serve us a delicious stew straight of Mama's Good Family Spoon. 
Now, can someone point me to director Chip Gubera's MIL MASCARAS VS. THE AZTEC MUMMY?? This Lucha Lover must see it!  Bonus...the music by SLEAZO is awesome, with backwoods flavored synth stings and all.

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