Friday, July 18, 2014

Code Red Six Pack V.1 - THE TALE OF THE DEAN'S WIFE

I love these CODE RED DVD releases of SIX PACK drive in movie prints!  I reviewed second volume already, so lets dip in to Volume 1!  What is cool about these is I'm trying everything, no matter the genre.  THE TALE OF THE DEAN'S WIFE doesn't have an appealing title really, but what lurked beneath that was an absolutely bonkers 1 hour and a few minutes of vintage 1970 Sexploitation full of buxom bodies, weird moral politics and... yes, THE DEAN'S WIFE certainly spreading some tail.  Urrrrr... tale. 

We open on a scene that just bounces and jiggles along as our hipcat crew I think we are supposed to identify as the rad student set hang out in the woods and randomly sex each other up, down and sideways.  It's rather bouncey. Like this.


And the tighty whitey enthusiasts should note the above as well.  Anyhow, the students are hanging out and spreading the good cheer with much verve, but what they really want is to make their demands known to the uptight Dean of whatever school these shift layaboutitalls attend.  But how? HOW??  Well, it probably helps that what is going on in the Dean's house is just as friction laced as their human anatomy studies in the wild are going.  Here is our crew...

Note the nerdly scholars by the way.... they have some hysterical dialog about doing it for the first time that will keep you chuckling at every appearance.  I don't know who plays the uptight girl, but she delivers some real zingers to Joe Horndog! 

Ooof. Been there. Not fun.  To be fair, that dudes hair is so much like Astro Boy that I can't imagine him NOT getting laid with ease. 
Back to it!
The hitch here is that the studios girl (note the glasses) is the Dean's Wife's sister and she knows how chaste Dean's Wife can be. But is she?  OH NO...she is wacking, spanking, vibrating and licking EVERYTHING in sight!!
I mean, this is her maid...

 And this is THE DEAN'S WIFE...taken aback by the Maid because she got back.

Cue the Throbbing (something....ummm...oh yeah) GRISTLE.  DISCIPLINE!


"I told you to keep your pants on when my husband is home!"  But when Dean's Wife is home...oh....let's make it better.

So, yeah, Dean's life at home is a little unique. He's so square, the hip kids call him a CUBE!!!  After a dinner party where he meets some of his wife's friends and gets a lesson in the fact that not only are narcotics illegal, but so is a "certain kind of sex, but that doesn't stop people" then old Wifey is off to the races.  And here I meet my new icon. He says the word Erotica thusly. 

EEEEE-RAW-TICK.....ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

He brings the pain!  He plays piano while his wife teaches the Dean's Wife more about sapphic shenanigans!  Dean's Wife already knows, but...she'll take more! And more! And more!!!



What I really like is the use of the little boy statue for perspective here... just fantastic direction. 
I don't want ruin it all...because THIS IS JUST THE FIRST HALF!!!  The students invade, but they have a plan. It involves a Sugarcube.  And yes...it involves this.

And this!!!  It's getting GROOvavavavavavaaaaaaaaaaaaoooooooomy!
And that ain't even the half of it.

I really enjoy sexploitation films, especially from this era.  It runs just over an hour, so I don't know if this is a censored version of a full on porn film, but it plays perfectly without any hard shots at all.  The script is really wacked out, and our "youth" against "the man" story is pretty damn fucked up to be honest.  Because by the time it is over (you'll guess that ending by the way), it just shows the rotten core of these kids and hardly shines as an endorsement of a free love culture. But you won't get caught up in that, you'll just be gobstopped by the insanity in this bite size slab of pulchritudinous playtime in the weird world of bottom of the bill soft core sex.  Buried in this set lies a gem for those in tune with that hipped out vibe of goofballs, eeeeerawwwtickaaaahhhhh and shut down your brain entertainment.
I actually clapped during this movie.  In my living room. Clapping.  Four stars...a hidden film I'll never, ever, forget!

On to the next SIX PACKER!!

By the way... BEN DOVER is in this. Really!! Look!





Thursday, July 10, 2014

CODE RED Six Pack V.2 - The Murder Clinic

After German Sex Comedies galore, A biker flick AND a semi-naughty Schoolgirl film I was glad to save this obscure bit of Italian Horror for last!  I've seen it before and it's nice to have Code Red include it on Six Pack V.2 so that a legit version exists for all the American / English language friendly hunters of horror can have a copy in their collection.  The best way I can describe it is to ask you to imagine a mellow version of Slaughter Hotel colliding with a little bit of The Awful Dr. Orlof spun round through the early Gothic looking Italian horror lens.  It's not the most exciting bit of old school Giallo you'll ever find, but it's very entertaining and features a lot of great elements.  Like say, these.  Razorblade wielding cloaked killer? Check!  Sexy night clothing lit for maximum suspense. Check!  Maniacs ranting? Check!!!



William Berger stars as the maybe crazy, maybe tortured Dr. Vance, who has set out to run the best clinic (or Rest Home as he calls it) in the area.  However, what we have instead is a clinic where the check in rate is high, but the check outs? Not so much!  There is some stalk and slash as a pretty patient is brought low by the mysterious cloaked figure, but after the obviously up to no good Gisèle de Brantom (Françoise Prévost) crosses paths with Doc as he is up to what appears to be some damning no-goodnik behavior, it's a game of WHO WILL SURVIVE and why? Or maybe, IT'S NOT SO SMART TO TRY AND ONE UP THE GUY AT THE MURDER CLINIC!


 There is a lot to like about THE MURDER CLINIC and I would have grabbed this set just to get another copy into my collection.  Directed by Elio Scardamaglia, who was a producer on several Mario Bava films of which were certainly inspiration for the look, sound and atmosphere of The Murder Clinic, it's not overly stylish, but the cinematography, even presented in less than perfect circumstances, is impressive.  The shot above of the doctor at work as the wicked blonde watches on is pure Italian sixties magic.  Also, a score by Francesco De Masi sets the stage for a scenario by Ernesto Gastaldi and Luciano Martino. 



We know that Berger is fantastic, but the real star of the show is Françoise Prévost if you ask me. Sexy and definitely dangerous, she will do whatever it takes to get ahead. Ask the guy that was trying to fix the carriage!  And I have to say, the make up on (nonspoilermysterywomaningrossface) is fantastic with an eye rolling effect that will stick with me.
 Seriously, this film has a pedigree and while I would be overselling it as a masterpiece of any kind, it's as solid as the edge of the killers blade, and even tosses in...a monstrously malformed woman!  You know you need it!  Even if it's just for posterity, a hard to find link in the chain of Italian Gothic Horror, you'll be well served at The Murder Clinic! 

And so ends a full night (or 5) of CODE RED SIX PACK volume 2... A batch of battered films that will intrigue those that love cine-sludge and delight the seekers of cheap thrills! 




CODE RED Six Pack V.2 - NAUGHTY SCHOOL GIRLS / THE BLAZER GIRLS

"SUPINE TIME.... I thought this was supposed to be sexy!"

Everyone loves a good sexy comedy, right? Well...this one skimps on the sexy. Skimps on the comedy. Goes for some odd plot lines. References "Oversexed" John Keats as the jumping off point as the saga of a some graduating High School girls interested in the supine positions of poetic lovers get underway.  The school bell is broken and it tasked to the girls to get it fixed as some kind of "section gift" to the school as they leave. It must be IMPORTANT, because they are going to have to go to great lengths to get it fixed.
All the girls are virgins by the way...so can YOU guess the way they want to use their underutilized skills to pay that bill?


 After some field hockey and note passing, the girls decide to PROSTITUTE THEMSELVES for the money. Now, there is a premise!  But you see, this film was originally called THE BLAZER GIRLS (which is so much less exploitation cinema fodder), and we meet all the girls, get their stories and watch as they TRY to get paid to get laid.  They aren't even trying to be bad, just utterly naive.  It's a comedy, so a lot of it focuses around things like trying to understand what a French kiss is! 


Each girl has a tale of selling tail, but none of them are particularly funny...or...anything really. Maybe I'm just a fan of my comedy being naughtier, or wackier...or anything. It's just bland-o-rama for most of the running time, enhanced occasionally by just how awful the guys they meet are. The trashy bell repairman who wants to take "the labor" out in trade!  Or the ridiculous poetry teacher that reads poetry as he attempts to get it on, and then reacts in horror that he has to pay or get played! 

It all goes as you might expect, but as part of the Six Pack it adds up to another drive in genre accounted for and they can't all be winners.  If you want something as weird as this, more character driven, there are definitely better options. I will hand it to the actresses, they are all good in their roles, obviously relishing the dialog and trying their hardest. 

 "We're all going to do it!"

The print is battered, the story is snoozy, and the sex comedy skin quotient is under represented...but for 79 minutes, you can put it on the bottom of your all night drive-in living room bill.  And here is my favorite bit. 
THE GUY TRYING TO SAY THE RIGHT WORDS TO GET SOME ACTION IN FRONT OF HIS GROOVY 70s VAN FACE!!  You have to love that 4 seconds of NAUGHTY SCHOOL GIRLS!!

I'm pretty sure I've made that exact face.

Anyways..on to the next!


Wednesday, July 09, 2014

CODE RED Six Pack V.2 - THE LONERS

Ah yes, the romantic biker vs. the man movie...never really my thing, but THE LONERS was an entertaining piece of CODE RED Six Pack Volume 2!  Dean Stockwell as a half indian motorbike racer that gets Clyde'd up with Suburban Suzie Cream Cheese gal, Julio (Patricia Stich)?  With a Grapes Of Wrathesque buddy tale tacked in?  SOLD!

 "Some combination...an Irish Indian."
"I never scalp on St. Patrick's Day."

Stockwell stars as STEIN, a man just out to race some motorcycles and enjoy life. But when he gets taunted and rear ended by an annoying Joe Traveling Salesman one day, it sets off a chain of trouble that goes far beyond anything he could have expected with the early death of a police officer during a high speed chase.  It's all fun until...



Meanwhile, Julio is getting yelled at by her mom for smoking some weed at a party (and mom is played to the hilt by Gloria Grahame), and decides to hit the road. The two meet and it's love, sort of... at first sight.  When Julio asks the romantic question of "would you die for me" the only answer she gets is "ain't nothing worth dying for!"  Well, the couple is nice and all, but with the odds stacking against them as things go from bad to worse?  I think you know how things are going to pan out.
And when there pal Alan (Tod Susman in the films best performance) goes apeshit?  Well, the police are out for justice!  Can a trip back to the native roots of Stein's character help him? Should he be helped?  Does anyone here DESERVE to be helped?


While this isn't my usual cup of tea, THE LONERS is a fun quickie that plays around with the idea of anyone here being romantic or worthy of the audience caring about. Stein is a petulant and impulsive guy that realizes that maybe his dad, the ultimate authority, was right.  Julio takes turns at being naive and annoying, a real tribute to Stich who has the perfect 70s Babysitter gone wild look and she gives a great performance playing off the two men in the group. And Alan, he's just plain not all there... But even he becomes hard to redeem after he spins out of control.


What makes the film and it's short running time fun is the performances and some snappy editing and groovy 70s music over a tale we've probably seen a few to many times, regardless of genre or setting... but if you want a quick trip to 70s cinema, where idealism is definitely dead and heroes are few and far between (listen to the end music and looped dialog), you can't go wrong with THE LONERS.

The
And is it me..or is a group of LONERs, plural, kind of funny?



Tuesday, July 08, 2014

CODE RED Six Pack V.2 - SWINGING SWAPPERS

Here we go, finishing Disc 1 of CODE RED's SIX PACK VOLUME 2 with Swinging Swappers. Now, if that title doesn't win the REDUNDANT SEXUAL PHRASING AS ONLY A HACKED UP PRINT OF A GERMAN SEX COMEDY CAN CARRY award, I'm not sure what will.  That is one prestigious award!  Thank you, Hemisphere!!

 
 After a heavily cut opening credits scene that somehow still retains some groove, we realize that we are watching a 1 hour print of the film BETTKANONEN from 1973.  A pretty typical bit of sexy time cinema, it's the tale of a roving reporter out for some stories on the upper crust at a dinner party. A grizzled old veteran starts spinning stories about the guests and we follow along. My favorite of the batch comes first (and hey, that sort of stinks when the cinewad gets blown that fast) as a naughty wife decides to hire a woman to seduce her husband so she can get a divorce from him to hook up with her lover.  Several "car/boat" out of control during the schnitzel slinging jokes ensue, but hubby ain't dumb at all.  He not only gets his pay for play gal on board, but zooms the wife with his own Private Dick and leaves her with a, "be more careful in the next marriage!"  Good dirty fun. 


The other stories are a bit more standard, but you'll thrill (maybe a little) to the "crime" segment as we learn about a heist gone wrong and a kidnapped woman that may just have the perfect endgame to her ordeal.

And there are groovy clothes and beautiful women...of course.


The final scene is an interesting one, not so much for the typical "middle eastern" harem guy that wants a red headed baroness only to be fooled by a hotel employee in disguise (complete with Ilsa, Harem Keeper Of The Oil Sheiks duo), which is fine and all, but the fact that the DVD just ENDS during the film. As the confused guy tries to sort out which redhead is which, he ends up standing toe to toe with an elderly driver and WHAM!!! Menu.  Now, I'm not one to complain, but I am one to investigate.  So, without further ado, here is the scenes finale from an ancient VHS!  Not only is there a one punch brawl, but our poor girl is going to get her man.

video
Overall, an interesting oddity and I'm loving my CR6P, only 9 more movies to go!  And here we go, because nobody demanded it, but I wanted it...the original opening to this film.  The US credits are completely cut down, I love the music and editing here!  Enjoy!

video



Monday, July 07, 2014

CODE RED Six Pack V.2 - SWINGIN' STEWARDESSES

Back into the CODE RED DVD Six Pack today for a short blast of STEWARDESS REPORT action, heavily cut down to just over 1 hour.  This adaptation of Die Stewardessen (which is available on uncensored Blu Ray via Elite) is fun to watch for sure, but keep in mind that Hemisphere was obviously looking for bottom of the bill fodder and scissored not just chat, but lots of nudity as well!  The upside is that buyers of the set can check out some of the fun in this REPORT film (I love these, click here and you'll see how much) for little investment.  


What we have is several tales of sexual escapades from various stewardesses as they travel the globe hungry for new experiences and dudes in tighty whiteys as well.  I could tell you plot, but instead, how about some highlights.  The actresses are all of that perfect 70s variety of sexploitation standard, especially Ingrid Steeger and Evelyne Traeger who both get to show more smiles than skin in this cut of the film, but they are nice smiles and the dubbing is hilarious pretty much throughout. 
Listen as the tale of Messalina is used as an aphrodisiac!  Thrill as a group of swinging groovys watch a porn film while the voice over from Evelyne Traegar's character complains that the film is moving to slow...get to the action!!  Watch as SVEN the body builder unleashes his massive physique to train women in how best to get the most from their bodies...even if it requires using a swing! 
Overall..it's just good fun and on a beat up print that enhances it's effect.  Nice background noise for a party of YOUR swinging pals!  Groovy tunes from Franco regular Walter Baumgartner will keep your toes tapping, even if you won't get to see the best nude bits of the film. 
My favorite part?  Well... watch this perfect pants flip at the camera from Margrit Siegel!  Just awesome.  Worth spending a lot on? Nope. Not in this version, but you don't have too.  If you like it, get the Blu Ray.  If you are trolling through a set that keeps on giving, suck it in and blow it out...on to the next!

And here is the pants flip!




video
And for your enjoyment... the original German opening. The nudity in this clip is scissored out of the American release! ACK!