Sunday, December 28, 2014

STAR PORTAL! Not Of This Earth Breastacular Corman Craziness!

I have a soft spot for composite films, and who better than NEW HORIZONS to whip up this insane mixture of a chunk of Not Of This Earth's plot, some footage from NAKED OBSESSION for costumed sexy dancing (!!), BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS and GALAXY OF TERROR for a grumbly bad guy space plot and Athena Massey inquiring about Missionary Position as an emissary from another world out to find human blood and send it back to her...oh, you've seen NOT OF THIS EARTH, so you know the deal. However, our bespectacled baddie of Not...  never danced nude in a shower of blood or got laid, so this one is a zany chop shop item that will keep you entertained for 80 minutes, in style!

 Athena Massey, who I only know from being in Greg Dark's UNDERCOVER, is hanging out one night and BAM, she gets WHAMMMO'd by some falling intellectual space junk that takes over her body.  Lucky for us, this alien is very inquisitive about it's own breasts and pretty open to experimentation with blood drinking, fortune telling and missionary position sex.  However, the alien suddenly is overwhelmed and has no idea how to use the blood it needs to survive on earth. Drinking it doesn't work very well, so she ends up in the care of Steven Bauer, who looks a bit befuddled and VERY amused.  Hey, if he gets naked with Massey, all is good.  I mean, the guy spends more time reacting to things with a "HUHWHAT" face than anything else, minus one scene where an alien invader in a motorcycle helmet chases the pair.

If you like a bit of EVERYTHING in your film, Star Portal is highly recommended, though sadly obscure right now, no DVD is available best I could find.  Highlights definitely include a pushy client of the hooker/psychic that Massey (as Quad Rena) kills and uses as cover.  Until a vice squad shows up (!) and then there is a bit in a bizarre goth punk strip club with this...

Yeah, you know where that is from! The entire film whips by and you need to really settle in and go with it, because it has the very best thing a kitchen sink curio can offer in that it is pretty unpredictable.  And Massey is pretty great with the almost Repo Man styled humor that director John Purdy is going for. He wrote THE GUYVER by the way, so much respect to him before even starting this film.  That is probably the charm, it's a case of "here...copy this script and use this footage" factory film making that goes awry in the best possible way!

One of the things I enjoyed the most was the almost industrial soundtrack which busts out into rock guitar ala 90s grunge at random points!  Composer Adam Berry is pretty prolific and has worked in several styles, from Hercules to Sarah Silverman and South Park, and this film is loaded with off kilter audio choices that probably lend the action onscreen more atmosphere than deserved!  I still wish they had sandwiched in Welcome To The Dark Side though...

You want a nifty little trippy 80 minute movie that brings space, time and tits in one punchy package?  STAR PORTAL will fill the bill nicely!  And...this...

Athena dances sexy time...again!

No comments: