Thursday, June 05, 2014

Poseidon Rex -- Flippersaurus Amongst Us!

I am a stone cold sucker for creature features of any stripe, but you show me a dinosaur with flipper arms from the director of CLASS OF 1984 and SHOWDOWN IN LITTLE TOKYO and you can rest assured that no warning would be too great to keep me from washing ashore with a copy of POSEIDON REX!  While I can't say I was thrilled, I wouldn't toss my 90 minutes with an aquatic chomping machine away either.  And one lesson was learned here... movies are like physical fitness workouts. There is always somewhere to go UP too, a new level to strive for. I hope some of the folks that created this will get a try out at The Asylum to take up the game a few notches!

Now I know what my fish Maciste sees in his bowl.

Short story even shorter, a handsome hunky treasure hunter, played by co-producer of this very film Brian Krause,  blows up "The Blue Hole" in order to find some lost booty.  Instead, he wakes up POSEIDON REX, a combo of Grimlock and Flipper!  Watch out!!!  And hey, since he is a co-producer, our man Krause manages to lose the treasure but still get... BOOTY!

 Now, throw in a few very stationary gangsters with a predilection for the term YES BOSS, a lot of bikinis, a scientist in a bikini, a bunch of eggs that everyone seems to forget that contain a bunch of P.Rexoids and the same shot of P-Rex surfacing on a little boat to squash things and we are just about there.  Because not only do we have the death aquatic, but then it's time for the Jurassic Park scenes too!

When it comes to exploitation films and monster movies of this stripe I'm a firm believer of an honest days pay for an honest days work.  It's not like Mark L. Lester isn't trying, but the production being called Spartan would make you assume it had even a little armor.  Everyone is working here, but the film tends to just be...cheaper than expected. And I expected CHEAP.   The effects are tolerable enough and Lester has an excellent way of introducing every woman in the film by leading with the actresses shapely breasts about to bust free. Seriously, watch for's movie magic!  Even the performances come across well enough.  The guy with a Roman Numeral III is even alright. But that may be the problem here.  In recent years you get to make a groovy monster film by being audacious and outrageous.  Poseidon Rex commits the sin of just being... safe. OK.  It's tame by broadcast TV standards and that ain't gonna make me happy.  Audacity beats budget (ask Mark Polonia!) and what we get is a vanilla feature that has a great concept with no real attempt to reach the wacky heights that will set it apart.  A decent little diversion for a night with plentiful drinks, but you would be better served by many other films that take the Sharktopoctopodapusanodo formula to a less logical and more satisfying conclusion.  
Worst thing about the film?  Seeing Mark L. Lester in the credits BELOW "bikini girls" was a blow.  I think I need to watch Class Of 1999 again....

 Sigh...I wanted to love this one.

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