Sunday, January 05, 2014

Oriental Baby Sitter keeps me up all night!

Vinegar Syndrome strikes again as I popped in ORIENTAL BABYSITTER and got myself ready for a little action with Linda Wong, and boy do you get that.  If I was working as a distributor I might have called this CONFESSIONS OF A CLINICAL SEXTALK BABYSITTER...and some other people, too! But hey, who wants to watch that.  Besides, the main attraction here is.....

And man, does that credit just linger.
And linger.
And linger...

And then we get right to it as May Ling lets us in on the origin of her story.  "When she is alone she can grieve, laugh and live out her fantasies, if she has any.  I have many fantasies...and they are all sexual."  Right away the sitter becomes the sexual fantasy and outlet for a husband in a bad marriage.  Story legality issues aside, this uncomfortable drunken show of lust opens up the floodgates for our heroine to try and experience every possible angle and position she can (and it's all set to one groovy bass heavy beat).  A random blowjob brings us to Mr. Justin.  See these two light up the screen with sexual tension!

 Or not, but it isn't car driving sequences we show up for, now is it?  Linda Wong earns "most clinical and dazed narrative in a porn film featuring an Oriental Babysitter EVER" as she guides us through the process of what shy Mr. Justin is like when she busts out the lube and greases up his estimable penis!  The dude is a TIGER in bed and comes packing an epic schlong to boot.  It's one thing to have a pretty woman slide on down for some action and talk dirty, but when Linda Wong brings it...we get this gem of erotic literature that is more memorable than anything that happened in all of Insidious and was twice as headclonking.

 "He let his penis slip right in to my rectum."  

Now, I had to really try to find a clean shot of this, but I think that suffices.  It isn't about the action onscreen for me, it's this dialogue that appears to have been delivered from some hyperbored lust filled netherworld.  Needless to say, it just doesn't stop there, but let's get back to the main feature.

After a few really short vignettes (we have the first time, a random BJ scene and the backdoor attentions of Mr. Justin in almost 13 minutes!) we get to the story of Mr. and Mrs. Harris.  One evening both of them were working late, but Mr. Harris just happened to be home.  It's all good as he explores the baby sitter and I noticed something so awesome that it just sells the entire film.  SEE! Mr. Harris' chest hair and mega moustache that are both coarser than the lively Golden Triangle of Linda Wong's pubes!!

 OF course things go sideways when Mrs. Harris comes home, but what is good for the chest hair, is good for the blond hot mom as well.  The Oriental Baby Sitter is open to all experiences.  And I'm down with that!

Don't ask where the clothing went, but it's totally not a spoiler that it may lead to erections. If yours lasts more than four hours, head to the emergency room and tell them that the 6 from Column A and 9 from Column B sent you.  And Mr. Harris gets a nice treat to end the scene...  With a puppy dog look like this, how could they resist?  Marination ensues on the spicy beef roll, and the special sauces are served with a smile!

At this point our movie has about 20 minutes to go and it kind of slides off the rails as a LONG scene featuring Christine Kelly goes on...and on...and on...and, well...on.  Linda Wong has a few cutaways while watching from a chair, but even she seems a bit bored!  Not a high note to finish on, but they jam packed the first 50 minutes to the hilt.  If this duo works for you, enjoy...I was ready to head back and hang out with Mr. Justin and his antics!

*cue the sound of Linda Wong humming while adjusting her jewelry as these two just go on and on and on...*

Oriental Baby Sitter is interesting in that it really tears through a lot of scenes and then just runs in circles of course, but the narration and the truth that Linda Wong is indeed quite attractive and certainly knows her way around pretty much every situation that gets thrown her way.  I don't think there is anything special to it, but as a late night entertainment that gives you exactly what you would want (and in fast fashion), it is a straight blast of vintage porn.  I just hope that I never run into that kind of "sexy talk" again!

1 comment:

Fred Mertz said...

This keeps you up all night? How could it not? Linda Wong is incredibly hot, and this is clearly her best film. It has kept me up for the last 36 years!!