Friday, November 19, 2010

Friday Nights give me a Hard Sensation!

There are still so many films I want to see. No matter how many I watch, there are times when I look at my wish list and think I better start watching these films faster!  I'm also a big fan of Joe D'Amato, a true hacks hack, who made some trash and sleaze and would never look back.  That filmography is loaded with odd titles and seems insurmountable, but this week I finally got to check back in with the crew on THAT ISLAND where the living dead roam, lesbians moan and words like "esotic" get thrown. 
Hard Sensation.
In English.
George Eastman... porn.  BooYah.

It seems like a good idea to Professor Jacquard (yeah, read that out loud...JackHard) to have his sexy daughter and her friends enjoy summer vacation together. But when a situation arises and a trip to Paris reverse cowgirls, he realizes with a stiff upper lip that he will have to send the young ladies to an island paradise with a few local guys.  Parenting tip #1.  If your daughter is Dirce Funari and she has a friend that is best known for performing the oral scene in Eva Man named Annj Goren, then this is not a good idea.  Well, actually-I'm all for it. Because luckily he decides to send the sexy teacher, the ever fun to watch Lucia Ramirez, along to keep them out of trouble. 
They will be using their tongues, but language lessons will be far off in her care!

“I hope our darling parents haven’t found a way for us to have to study on this trip.”
NOT a proper woman to babysit your hot daughter and her hot friends...but carry on!!
 The girls get to the island (and I swear they go right by the log from that lesbian bit in Porno Holocaust) and it is the SAME P.O.V. business as every other D'Amato flick set in this somewhat kinda lush paradise.  Something is out there.  The girls get some time frolic, masturbate, explore each others bodies as all good students do and so on.  But the party is coming to a complete stop soon.  Maybe they should have spent a little more time being watchful and less time anticipating coming.   Or not. Because I'm really enjoying this so far!

“Going on vacation! I’m so excited I guess it is time to masturbate furiously!!”
“If I see any hungry sharks in there I’ll jump in and go after the bait myself.”  -Actual dialog

The two locals charged to keep an eye on them may stare and ogle, but they stay true to the "all looky no nooky" rule pretty well.  And then...ANTHROPOPHAGUS arrives on the scene.  Well, it is jumbo George Eastman, minus any cannibalistic urges, though he certainly will get his beard dirty with some juices or another.  He won't go all...the...way though, because mighty MARK SHANNON is here to bring the Hard Sensation all day and night as BOBO!  Yes, the main scumbag is named BOBO.  And he says this.
"Nobody makes a monkey outta Bobo and gets away with it."
This is fucking brilliant!!!

Alright fine, a little anatomy homework is gonna work out ladies...  I'm feeling a Hard Sensation!
ANTRHOPOPHAGUS!!!!  AIEEEEE!!!  Hard Sensation...shrinking!!

But wait...THERE'S MORE!  George Eastman is dubbed a bit on the mellow side by the usual dubbers and becomes the good guy as he tries to help the girls escape the clutches of BOBO!  Once Bobo starts doing the dipping into the ladies gene pools Eastman mentions that he "just got done talking to the girls."  Bobo replies perfectly.  "Oh that's nice, I just got a blowjob!"   Not the nicest guy, but hey...someone has to drink J&B and be the bad guy by forcing the ladies to drink J&B too, right?  But of course it comes to blows and blowjobs galore in the final reel.  The ladies strike back and Bobo goes BOOM.  Of course, after all the sex and violence are through, the girls are ready to blow it all off and get back to vacation!!

Three Crooks. Three Girls. Mark Shannon has no turntables but is ready to whip out the microphone!
The Grim Reaper and Bobo!

The D'Amato porn films in the early 80s waver between being a mangy lot of fluid soaked shenanigans and representing some of the most interesting and Eurostar laden entries in his filmography.  Sure Joltin' Joe would become Juicy Joe later in his career, winning AVN awards and all, but these films, especially the island ones, are true European TRASH Cinema.  Hard Sensation has a good group on both sides of the ball(s) as well.  George Eastman puts as much in to his work here as ever, you have to like the big ape as he tries to save the girls.  Mark Shannon is there to provide all the stick work, and those of you that have enjoyed his work in a digital format will be (dis)pleased to know that a certain still there.  Shannon is also a good actor in my opinion, and his portrayal of Bobo would be just fine in any Eurocrime film.  Plus, the guy has no problems doing whatever he is asked.  And then you have the ladies.  Annj Goren!  Dirce Funari!!  Need I say more?  Well, I'm pretty intrigued by Lucia Ramirez myself, she isn't in a lot of films, but has a unique look and is also the primary sex player when she shows up. 

How to escape..hmmm...hey, J&B! I love J&B!
Wait wait..I like it, but not that much.  J&B-the Europrhodisiac of choice.

D'amato knows how to film sex just fine, but Hard Sensation manages to be entertaining between the porn shots and I could easily see a softer version of this being available and entertaining enough.  My favorite part of the film is actually the score by the awesome Alessandro Alessandroni!  The Devil's Nightmare man goes jungle porn!!!  Alright, maybe it isn't my favorite part...that line about Bobo and monkeys is great. Well, that isn't my favorite either, but we'll leave that alone.

How much do you expect this girl to swallow...I'm gonna go Big Ape on you!!
Say yer prayers Bobo!!

Get stiff and pound yourself into a chair with HARD SENSATION-the choice of the week for European UltraTrash!


DrunkethWizerd said...

J&B! Whoooo!!1 Now it's an italian party.

Peter said...

Has someone ever bothered to make a list containing every Italian post 1970 [sleaze/B/cult] movie that DIDN'T feature a couple of J&B bottles?