TOMB IT MAY CONCERN - David Zuzelo Scribbles on Mangled Media!

Girls At The Gynecologist - Report!!

2012-01-30T19:06:00.000-06:00

Could there be a more bizarre setting for a Report film than the workaday case log of a German gynecologist in the 70s? Not if Ernst Hofbauer has anything to say about it! From the lives of parents trying to understand how their daughters have developed strange fevers ("It's the clap, doc!") and frigid girls that are dealing with trauma, all will be exposed.
And that isn't all...gents, if you have no experience with the inner workings of the ladies in your life, this film can change that. Not sure it is a plus really, but interesting nevertheless! I highly recommend this film for Reporters.
Here are the swinging English credits, some lobby cards and more!

Erotik Im Beruf Credits bring the Peter Thomas FUNK!

2012-01-30T07:26:00.000-06:00

Another report film this week...following the trials and tribulations of work place love and lust. Check out these credits that come correct with the Peter Thomas soundscape!

One7 puts some HARD SENSATION in my Exotic Malice

2012-01-29T11:46:00.000-06:00

After I finished praising One7 for their EXOTIC MALICE DVD I noticed something weird about the extra footage, and it was also mentioned on the IMDB page for the film. The "Extra Features" on the DVD are "Deleted Scenes" according to the packaging and menu. These are not scenes, but scene singular. OK, that is alright...but wait! The scene isn't from Sesso Nero! It is from HARD SENSATION, which I covered right here.
So, is this a seemingly impossible oversight or...just a way to fill up a spec sheet to retailers and for buyers? Well...I don't know, but I can note something else interesting. As with their ABSURD disc (which they put out as HORRIBLE in a very ill advised way of listing the film in my opinion) the inserts (or bonus scenes) are in worse quality than many other available prints.

Here is the BONUS SCENES from One7.

And here is a snap from the fansubbed copy I reviewed. The fake letterbox affect really adds some quality control to this as well.

Joe D'Amato nerd report 194 is now filed, I found this to be pretty interesting. As a Deleted Scene worthy of cover and retailer solicitation this is pretty underhanded. Unless someone is trying to rub one out to the good old days of scrambled cable it is useless.

Sesso Nero - Feeling the EXOTIC MALICE of Joe D'Amato

2012-01-26T19:32:00.001-06:00

I've been pretty hard on One7 Films releases, but thanks to Doug Waltz of Divine Exploitation I got to check out what I think is one of the best films they have put out, SESSO NERO / Exotic Malice.
I'm a big fan of Joe D'Amato films, be they horror, hardcore, peplum or adventure. Or anything else.
Sesso Nero is anything else!

The Island films, shot on the island of Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic, are one of my favorite "series" in all of Cult Cinema. They are mixed and blended with soundtracks, locations and even some story elements, but each adds a bit more to an over all otherworld of floppy cocks, sexy starlets, lesbian log sex, giant George Eastman and even zombies eventually find their way to the shore. I'll admit, this wasn't something that came easily (sort of like some of the performers in these films)--it took a degree of jaded eyeballing to get here. Thanks to this disc, I finally have seen this film with English subtitles (and only one massive screen distortion, go One7!) and loved it very very much.
Saying you love a film that has a twitch close up of Mark Shannon's dong may be odd, but I can't lie to my readers, can I?

Put briefly, Sesso Nero follows the final days of Mark (Mark Shannon) after he is diagnosed with prostate hypertrophy and looks at some X-Rays of his well traveled groin region. If he doesn't have surgery, which will lead to him being essentially castrated, he will get far worse than he already is. Any "excitement" results in agony in his crotch. THAT ain't good for a character played by Mark Shannon at all! Returning to the Dominican Republic after what we can assume is a few years, Mark is on the look out for an old girlfriend, Marja. He bumps into some old friends along the way. But before you can feel any sympathy for Mark, he spends time fucking one of his friends wives! Luckily, he can rely on big George Eastman to get him more dirt on his lost love. It seems she has committed suicide (or vanished?) and her father is into Voodoo. Could his Cock have a DEATH CURSE?? Or, is there more to it? A game played by someone with a serious axe to grind, and a knife to the balls of a man that doesn't do a lot of good?
Watch and see.

I'm not the biggest fan of Mark Shannon you'll meet, but he is really good in this role. A cad with a broken set of balls that is out to find both the love he pitched away (thanks most likely to the very organ that is killing him) and go out in a blaze of fucktastic fury if he can't regain what he desires. The added dimension D'Amato uses with his wife coming after him, and staying despite his rather rough from behind treatment, really lends a depth to how low Mark will go-or maybe he is just a romantic that found out what love was too late. One thing is for sure, his mortality is apparent. As the plot winds down to a finish that stays right in line with the cruel fates of most of D'Amato's characters, Mark gets on a skid row down on your luck magic mushroom trip that reveals not only the truth of the revenge being taken on him, but the fleshy price of his casual love demolishing attitude. He isn't better than before, and only wants love for selfish reasons. That same character goes into a friends home and screws his wife while he is out.
D'Amato proves, if you don't deserve the dick, maybe you shouldn't have it in a squirmy climax of blood that beats out Nekromantik for gutpunch glory.

The cast is uniformly good, I'm a big fan of Annj Goren and she does a great bit as a sort of apparition / vengeful woman. The sex is hardcore and Goren certainly doesn't shy away. Again, because this is me we are talking about, I can point to the only disappointing image for this Annj-aholic. As she taunts Mark by blowing her young lover as he is rendered helpless by mushroom mania there is a moment where she glares at him with his cum spattering her mouth. Sadly, she can't conjure the same cruel looks at that exact moment, because that would have put the film over the top for me. So what, I'm all about the sex horror images, and this is a potent one nonetheless. Also nice to see Lucia Ramirez, she has a bit of the Laura Gemser look to her, but has a lot less restrictions on what she will do onscreen. George Eastman is only here briefly, but he is just perfect in these sweaty sex films. But the real stand out (and stand up!) is Shannon.

The DVD is widescreen and anamorphic and filled with hardcore scenes. The bonus / deleted scene doesn't match with this movie and is in poor quality. One reviewer states it is from Hard Sensation, I'll have to check that out. Quite good for a One7 release actually, and for the discerning sexploitation fan, and hardcore D'Amato enthusiast, this is a slice of Eurotrash Cinema that bites and slashes back! The title SESSO NERO is very apt. Black Sex isn't just an interracial thing in the cinema of D'Amato. This is pitch black porn for the fans of weird cinema.

Bonus ULTRA D'AMATO moment, look for the dance number in Eastman's bar. AMAZING tiny dicked ballet sequence!!! I loved it!

Christina Lindberg - A Flat Cameo in Naughty Co-Eds

2012-01-25T19:14:00.000-06:00

Continuing my vigorous REPORT reportage, I started watching Schulmädchen-Report #8 the other night. The English dubbed edition is NAUGHTY CO-EDS and I was really surprised to find another Christina Lindberg appearance in the series (after he mind blowing sequence in #4). But if there is one thing nobody could call the lovely Lindberg it would be FLAT.
Not so here...watch as her POSTER gets some action. I couldn't find the exact same image to match up with the scene, but here is another from the same series!

This was a really cool find... I'm hoping to find more such connections as I go along in REPORTville.

A Great Gert Wilden Credit!

2012-01-24T22:10:00.000-06:00

From Run Virgin Run...The way all references to Wilden should be!

Wedding Night Report Credits

2012-01-24T15:13:00.000-06:00

For my pal Doug at Divine Exploitation.... the credits to Wedding Night Report featuring the top billed Christina von Blanc!

Swinging Wives Report...English Credits

2012-01-24T12:00:00.000-06:00

Now this is a start to one WACKY Report film that takes us inside the "gilded cage" of marriage. Includes awesome grooves by Gert Wilden. Check out the lobby cards HERE and a review is still to come!

Swinging Wives Report Cards!

2012-01-23T16:13:00.001-06:00

Known in English as SWINGING WIVES!

St. Pauli Report Lobby Cards!

2012-01-23T13:58:00.001-06:00

Click and enjoy...looking forward to seeing this report soon!

Schulmädchen-Report Investigations Galore! Get Groovy!

2012-01-22T09:55:00.000-06:00

Schulmädchen...Schulmädchen...Schulmädchen. One of the most rewarding things I find in my trek through all the things that make me curious is when I finally get around to something that has been hanging around for a long time. Well, a sale on the Schoolgirl Report releases from Impulse / Synapse got me off my chair and lounging onto the couch for a week of swinging Schulmädchen, groovy tunes and some stunningly sleazy bits. I thought about reviewing each one, but Report films tend to blend together, so here are some more general thoughts as well as images from each film.

I'm not a Mondo film fan, while some of them are fascinating, it is the making of them that really interests me. The Report films play a bit like a Mondo, but instead of weird cultural rites and animal sacrifice we have simulated sex, naughty dialog and even a bit of pseudo science for your pleasure. Right off the bat I was taken in by Volume 1. Leading off with the groovy sounds of Gert Wilden--it's a whole world of sensual sleaze that will keep your toes tapping...so let's dance!

The initial entry into the series makes great pains to let us know that there was plenty of research to back up the stories we were about to witness. Gunther Hunold's book Schulmädchen-Report (you can see it at Google Books right here) must have caught producer Wolf C. Hartwig's imagination with a fierceness, because he took the survey idea and ran with it to unleash a torrent of teen trauma upon the world! Tagging up with director Ernst Hofbauer, the duo hit sexploitation gold! However, I'm not just fascinated by the skin on show. The attitude of these films is as fluid, and baffling to me, as any Mondo film. The first film seems to be a call to parents to be more understanding of their kids and the nature of their sexuality. Bouncing between "candid" interviews on the street where young people have a big microphone shoved in their face and asked about their masturbatory habits and the place of love in sex and scenarios of danger and discovery, you won't know who to "cheer" for! Parents-your daughter is a sexually aware person, understand them! Parents-your daughter is in dire danger! Mothers-Your husbands must be watched! Mothers-Your sons are potentially very bad!! Fathers-Avoid jail...do not fall for the seductions!!

My favorite part of watching the first film was the straight faced questioning of Friedrich von Thun...he can just stand there and ask the most ridiculous questions without batting an eyelash at his subjects. These sections are also disarming, because the answers rarely seem to match up with the behavior in the various vignettes, many being downright polite!

That first scene of a schoolgirl getting busy with a bus driver, and the panic it causes, sure did reverberate around German cinema however, and not only would this series roll on for a decade, but dozens of knock offs-some as bizarre as Girls At The Gynecologist!-would sit waiting to be unearthed by fans of strange cinema.

As the series progresses, the viewpoints swing wilder than the the dalliances of a bored schoolgirl as these images show. Lustful, wanton, repentant, disease struck...raped, violated and liberated. THAT is what the creators of the films are putting across. But it certainly brings up the question of titallation and just what the point was.
As time passes the movies become less and less interested in the interview process, and more and more lurid. Sexploitation, for me, is at it's best when it pushes the boundaries of taste and each installment definitely goes a bit further. Schulmädchen-Report 2 starts to add more attractive actresses to fill in the roles of the sensual schoolgirls, and the skin quotient starts climbing.
And climbing...

Schoolgirl Report 3 is an interesting one, because it takes the first step in to outright slapstick humor as a young couple seeks refuge from an intruding mother only to find the girls father and his mistress (I love how dowdy the pair are) ALSO hiding from them. That's right...your parents like sex too, and get up to the same scandalous mayhem you kids do as well. At first I thought it was a distraction, but oddly enough, the funny bits have become among my favorite parts! You can't do it all the time, but when you are balancing tales of dangerous sex and horrible trauma with goofy "ass through the cabinet" jokes it creates a really weird environment.

And this installment is the first one to feature Carmen Jackel...woo. Yep, these are still sexploitation films!

Number 4 is probably the one I was most intrigued by, seeing as it features Christina Lindberg (hey, check out more than fifty CHISTINA LINDBERG POSTS by clicking). She gets a pretty unique episode, one that definitely pushes the edges of taste as her character is sexually awakened by living in the same room as her brother (dammit Parents...careful!!) and watching him with an older woman. Not only does she pursue him, but gets the most psychedelic sequence in the series (so far) as she dreams of her father "punishing" her and nuns stripping bare to be executed by a firing squad. Check out more in this SUPER TRIPPY CHRISTINA post.
Wild...and the film doesn't get any less crazy!

So, things are really getting weird, aggressively so. But as far as they slithered to the strange, this entry also introduces Rinaldo Talamonti as a goofy Italian guy that appears in the rest of the Impulse released discs! From his goofy Soda Shop guy handing out "free" ice creams to eager schoolgirls to the preening "Hercules" that gets teased right on to the excellent "Short Italian Sausage Slinger On A Box To Get Traction" role-I love this guy. No matter how weird, how offensive to the sensibilities and hysterically caution provoking the surroundings, each of these made me laugh and provide a welcome breather.
And hey, this volume includes Ulrike Butz (see a lot more of here at this excellent blog IN SEARCH OF ULRIKE BUTZ), Carmen Jackel, Christina Lindberg, Puppa Armbruster AND Ingrid Steeger all show up.
Folks, welcome to German Sexploitation.

Number 5 features a great bit about a judo throwing Priest that ends up Frugging in slow motion with a naked temptress. It has a a great funny bit and...lots of warnings for you parents. Given that it follows four, the tone is mostly lighter, but the switches in "who is this film for" perspectives is mostly gone. Viewers know what to expect-and Hartwig and Hofbauer deliver the goods. Butz and Armbruster appear again as well. Now, there is one particularly surprising entry that features a Grandfather(!) seduced and his fate is one of the most absorbing of the entire series. My jaw was on the floor at points, and the acting in this scenario is probably the best I've seen. A worthy view just for this long vignette. If there is one Anti-Youth piece that stands out, this i definitely the one!

So, what have I learned? Well, I've learned that this genre isn't even started to be released with English options. I've got a stack of Housewife Reports, Apprentice Reports, Lifeguard Reports and many many more to look at, and look I shall! I am learning about life in the 70s through the lens of shock cinema, these are a better look at the very basis of Sexploitation film making than they are anything that happens in reality. What is titillating? What is shocking? And certainly, where were some of the sexiest starlets of the softcore sex industry going when in Germany to appear in films? I'm in...I'm going to find out!
Try one, you may like it... for the fans of sex in cinema, you'll find a mix of what you want, things you might not and certainly something unique and different!

Schulmädchen-Report - Christina Lindberg SuperTrip!

2012-01-13T13:13:00.000-06:00

Wow...I'm almost through the Impulse Pictures Schoolgirl Report releases and can't wait to put down some thoughts on them here, but first-a little image break. I just love Christina Lindberg and she has an insane scene in #4. So, for my pal Bob Sargent (whose VIDEOOZE hooked me on Thriller-A Cruel Picture)--here is a little bit of those scenes.
Question for all you disc owners, jump to 1:12 and 30 seconds and watch for a bit. Does Christina examining the goods seem cut to you? That is a pretty jarring hop in the image.

Enjoy!

Schulmädchen-Report Investigations Start NOW

2012-01-06T12:03:00.001-06:00

So, after finding a bunch of the Schoolgirl Report DVDs for under 9 dollars at Deep Discount DVD (check, they may still be there!) I began my viewing of this infamous series. Part Mondo, Part Not So Much Teaso...and maybe just a little SleazO, I really enjoyed part one. I need to know though, are these intended to scare adults, empower the sexually revolutionary youth or just be groovy sex films??

Well, more on that later--this snippet of conversation made my jaw drop. Mind you, the final one I took a bit out of context because it just reads funnier! Considering all the dental work I've had to endure lately, a little oral humor was immensely appreciated.

How Groovy was 2011? Comics RULE!

2012-01-02T14:39:00.000-06:00

I'm not someone that is good at "Best Of" lists at all. I come across so many things each year that it feels like a mistake to even try to quantify the variety of media experiences against each other. Instead, here are some of my favorite things that blipped my brain and mangled my mind. 2012 is going to have to step up and bring me some real treats to match this list next year. First up...some comics memories of the year.

There were a lot of great comics that were released this year, though honestly I find myself looking at collections of older material much more often than the new. First and foremost I was delighted to finally hold a copy of FLESH AND BLOOD by Robert Tinnell and Neil Vokes. From personal experience I know these are two good men that love the work they do and have the utmost respect for the heritage of horror cinema and comics. So, they took the mediums they have both continue to master and slammed them together like true Twins of Evil and concocted a book that works not just as a tribute to Hammer horrors, but continues the films as if they never stopped being produced. To call it "the film that never was" is a nice thing, but I think this is actually the experience only these two artists could produce. Pastiche is easy, but creating something familiar AND new out of well used elements takes a special touch. Tinnell has the pacing down so well that he manages to actually improve upon it thanks to the free flowing sequential art by Vokes that bounces between sexy slurping and right into heavy duty monster battles. Fans of Hammer will smile as they read, and I would bet that their own imaginations will start to engage as they superimpose their favorite Hammer music atop the story. I know I was humming my own soundtrack as the line "FRANKENSTEIN MUST BE DESTROYED" finally made it's appearance.

Why tread old ground when you can forge new destinies for familiar faces? Flesh and Blood does it with each page. Buy this. If you like Hammer you'll love it, if you love horror films you'll be watching the naughtiest Creature Double Feature you never saw on a Saturday afternoon while all the other kids were outside playing baseball.

Another really great comics release was the first STEVE DITKO OMNIBUS edition from DC. This jumbo hardcover edition contains the important (to me) SHADE, THE CHANGING MAN in it's entirety (including the Cancelled Comics Cavalcade material), the weird and partially successful though totally interesting STALKER (with Wally Wood) and tons of interesting shorts from all around the DC universe. From outer space to weird horror, this volume showcases Ditko doing lots of interesting things. Volume 2 is going to contain Hawk And Dove, a team I have lots of love for. The reproductions look amazing to me, and finally my copies of Shade don't smell horrid!

Also awesome this year was a fantastic COMMANDER X-MAS Christmas that features Jay Piscopo's adventure hero in a variety of stories. It is FREE and deserves your attention. Look for my main monster hero THE HEAP in a cameo as well. Go HERE and enjoy it for the price of clicking your finger. Best deal ever.

While I love the Warren reprint hardcovers (which I was brought up to date with starting on Father's Day this year) I have to give very special notice to Dark Horse for their extraordinary series of Gold Key reprints. I've been thrilling to Doctor Spektor and getting my Maciste on with The Mighty Samson, but I'm completely smitten by DAGAR THE INVINCIBLE (Tales of Sword and Sorcery) Volume 1. With the typically awesome pulp tale telling of Donald Glut, whose name we just spotted on the credits of a Transformers episode, and stunning artwork by Jesse Santos, this is 1972 comics the way I LOVE THEM. It's action and fantasy and fun in every page. Santos is actually one of my favorite personal discoveries of the year. I wasn't familiar with his work by name, but I sure am now! You can read a complete story from the series RIGHT HERE!

And there was lots more, I'm enjoying THE INFINITE a lot. Liefeld pouches galore, with an interesting time travel tale by Robert Kirkman has me heading to the shop to get each issue. THE SPIDER has had a great year with Moonstone Publications including work by Pablo Marcos, Jay Piscopo, Hannibal King and expertly written by Martin Powell. Transformers UK Classics Volume 1 could be one of my favorite collections in years. Crossing the UK styled comics of the 80s with the characters I'm enjoying with my son is like having the experience of sharing 2000 ADs early years with a 6 year old boy.

And then there is this. When I can afford to get the project off the ground I hope you'll be reading a full length story full of Sleazy Shock, Sapphic Sensuality and Fantastically Trashy fun with The Hong Kong Hell Camp Women. You can see a comic book trailer in the upcoming AKA book.

And even though it has been utterly demonized, I'm enjoying a few of the new DC books. OMAC is a bashing and battling blast that isn't the original series, but does tip it's mohawk to Kirby with awesome art by Keith Giffen. I'm also digging Demon Knights and even the new Suicide Squad book. The characters look wonky to me (why change Deadshot??)-but I'm enjoying this one as a hard PG-13 level action book that seems happy to revel in big sized action sequences.
There are tons more--but it's time to move on to the next category!

Films of 2011 - The Z List

2012-01-01T11:01:00.001-06:00

A nice full year of films filled up my year. From Spaghetti Westerns to Horror to Sleazy Teasers and SUPER HARD LOVE! A fun year of weird diversions and cinematic exploration. So...what did YOU watch?

Movies 2011

January

Ultimate Death Match - 3
Schoolgirl Hitchhikers - 9
Hero of the Time - 7
Deadly Silver Angels -6
Lunatic Frog Women / Virgin Commandos - 9
Battle of the Stars 8
Secret Rivals 10
Tiger Over Wall 7
Piranha 8
Angel Terminators 2 -10
A Lotus for Miss Quon 7
Island Warriors 8
12

February

Lorna The Exorcist 10
Sinister Eyes of Dr. Orloff 7
Shaolin vs. Lama 8
Battletruck 8
Black Dynamite 10
Black Cobra 7
Bruce Lee Superstar 6
Countdown to Doomsday 8
Her Vengeance 9
Mantis Fist vs. Falcon Claw 6
The Death of Bruce Lee 7
Return of the Tiger 9
Samoa-Queen of the Jungle 7
Chinese Hercules 7
Mantis Fist Vs. Tiger Claws of Shaolin 10
Green Hornet serial 1 7
Stagefright 10
A Chinese Puzzle for the Judoka 7
18

March

Killers on Wheels 9
Adam And Eve Against The Cannibals 10
Trick R’ Treat 9
Women of Devil’s Island 7
Inferno 9
Soldier Warriors 6
Executioner of Venice 7
Cyborg “Slinger” Edition 9
Cannibal Mercenary 10
Paradiso Blu 6
Spider Force 8
Sandokan Against the Tiger of Sarawak 7
Sandokan Strikes Back 8
Spy Today, Die Tomorrow 7 “Die slowly...you’ll enjoy it more.”
The Impossible Kid 9
Danger! Death Ray 7
Fighting Mad / Death Force 8
Our Man In Jamaica 8
Operation: Counterspy 9

19

April

Diary of a Wimpy Kid 8
Dead Run 8
Tarzana The Wild Girl 9
Secret of Thug Island 7
Spy Hunt In Vienna 7
Face of Eve 6
Red Dragon / Mission To Hong Kong 4
Cicciolina Mio Amore / Bedtime Stories 8
KX-Kill Panther Kill 9
Kilma, Queen of the Amazons 7
Target for Killing 7
Karate Warrior 3 4
Karate Warrior 4 5
13

May

Vanessa del Rio - Fifty Years of Slightly Slutty Behavior 6
Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story 8
Ghost Galleon 8
Night of the Seagulls 9
Justice League New Frontier 8
Diamonds of Mekong 7
Kilma Queen of the Jungle 6
Kommissar X Three Golden Serpents 8
Raw Force 10
Thunderfist of Incredible Dragon 9
8 Strikes of Wild Cat 8
Savage Island 9
Hard Hunted 6
Roots of Evil 9
Ironmaster 10
Amazonia-The Catherine Miles Story 7
Puma Man 8
Body Count 8
18

June

Angel of Destruction 10
Stripped To Kill 9
Resident Evil Afterlife 7
Human Cobras 7
Smile Before Death 8
The Flower With The Deadly Sting 8
Transformers 8
Transformers : Revenge of the Fallen: 7
Black Cobra 9
Angel of Destruction 10
Amy’s In The Attic 8
Firefist of Incredible Dragon 10
12

July

S.T.A.B. 8
The Murder Clinic 7
Horror Rises From The Tomb 10
F 7
Tragic Ceremony 7
Blue Paradise 5
Phenomena 8
Siete minutos para morir 7
Raiders of Atlantis 9
La Morte Bussa Due Volte / Death Knocks Twice 6
Motel Hell 7
Dinasty of Dracula 10
Video Nasties-Moral Panic, Censorship and Videotape 10
Solo / Man From U.N.C.L.E. -Vulcan Affair 8
La Settima Tomba 7
Operation White Shark 7
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo 6
Tenebrae 10
Nightmare 9
19

August

Cthulhu Mansion 7
Our Lady of Lust 8
Zero Boys 8
The Night Evelyn Came Out Of The Grave 9
Red Queen Kills 7 Times -8
Howling IV - The Original Nightmare 6
Invincible Six - 7
Maciste Contro los Monstros 9
Enigma Rosso 8
The Church 8
Popatopolis 8
Frankenstein 2000 7
Zombie Holocaust 9
Death Walks At Midnight 6
Invincible Armour 10
Showgirl 7
Bocca Galosa 6
Spartacus and the Ten Gladiators 8
Zen Kwan Do Strikes Paris 9
The Skin Under The Claws 10
20

September

Giallo a Venezia 9
Terror of the Red Mask 7
Atlas / Maciste Against The Czar 7
My Soul To Take 6
Goliath And The Vampire 10
Sword in the Shadows 7
The Black Archer 9
The Phantom 7
Scandal (Bergonzelli) 7
Naked and Lustful 6
Pirate Slave 7
Omicidio al Telefono 10
Cavalier In Devils Castle 7
Social Network 6
Machete 6
Command Performance 7
Slithis 8
Jonah Hex 4
Treasure of the Petrified Forest 8
19

October

.com for Murder 7
Chromeskull - Laid To Rest 2 9
Hatchet 2 7
Humanoids From The Deep 7 (1996)
Octaman 8
Friday the 13th Part 2 8
Friday the 13th Part 3 (in 3D) 9
Curse of Frankenstein 8
Haunted House of Horror 6
Revenge of Frankenstein 6
Frankenstein Created Woman 8
Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed 9
Evil of Frankenstein 7
Frankenstein and the Monster From Hell 9
Death Will Have Your Eyes 6
Horror of Dracula 8
Hellraiser:Revelations 7
The Devil’s Hand 7
Countess Dracula 8
Night of the Demons 6
Twins of Evil 9
Scars of Dracula 8
Satanic Rites of Dracula 6
Vampire Circus 8
Zombie 10
House By The Cemetery 10
Gates of Hell 10
The Vampire Lovers 9
Lust For A Vampire 9
Halloween 2 - 7

30

November

Super Hard Love 6
Battle of the Godfathers 8
Battle of the Stars 10
Mystery of Monster Island 7
Blood of Fu Manchu 8
Roaring Fire 10
Madman 8
Missing In Action 8
Missing In Action 2 10
Batman Year 1 7
Thor 8
The Scourge of the Barbarians 6
Super 10
Dead Men Cast No Shadow 8
Make Your Peace With God 6
The Last Gun 7
16

December

Kill Django! Kill First! 7
A.A.A. 8
No Room To Die / Noose For Django 9
They Call Him Cemetery 7
The Silent Stranger 9
In A Colt’s Shadow 8
Kill and Pray 10
Dead For A Dollar 6 “Hilton Chicken”
Find A Place To Die 7
One Damned Day At Dawn Django Met Sartana 6
Django meets Sartana-The End is near! 7
Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2 -8
Bounty Hunter for Trinity 8
Transformers-Dark of the Moon 8

14

A total of 210 films. Other notable things were Strike Back Season 2 (or the first one released to the US by Cinemax), a ton of Transformers episodes from various shows and a few full seasons of Married With Children. Looking forward to MUCH more next year...

Happy Holidays from the Tomb!!

2011-12-23T19:28:00.002-06:00

A.A.A. Masseuse, Good-Looking, Offers Her Services - Fidani Book Club

2011-12-21T13:19:00.000-06:00

I've been having lots of fun with my pals at Eurotrash Paradise on a monthly book club project where I'm taking on some Demofilo Fidani / Miles Deem movies. I will archive the posts at the end of the month, but this one really jumped out at me.

Fidani gets a terrible reputation, and I blame Tom Weisser and his proven to be semi-useless book SPAGHETTI WESTERNS for a bulk of it. Stunt oriented, idiosyncratic and never afraid to be quirky, these movies may not be standard, or even excellent-but they are also unique. People call Ed Wood quirky instead of incompetent, but we let the one time owner of Video Search of Miami influence fandom forever? Try these yourself.

Now then, here is the entry on the weird sex / giallo hybrid A.A.A...

A.A.A. Masseuse, Good-Looking, Offers Her Services is a very very DAMN YOU DAVEY
Z film if I've ever met one. Fidani takes his unique approach, that is NOT incompetence in my book by the way, and grafts it to the Giallo genre. But it isn't much of a Giallo for much of the running time at all, it's a fun sex film loaded with red herrings and an occasional murder scene that all comes together in the final reel.

The killer wears YELLOW gloves. Yep, I DEEM this film very much a Fidani film already.

We meet Paola Senatore as the young girl that looks like she pretty much looked for most of her career. Down for anything, but especially dirty EuroSex. Bless her breasts, I love this woman. After a little bit of back and forth with her parents (including Hunt Powers as the nerdy DAD-which doesn't work at all) she
decides that her family doesn't give her enough money. She is apparently rich and Dad works his ass off, but she would rather go whore it up and make that money. I have no idea what she wants to spend it on. She has a humble boyfriend who notices an uptick in her oral and vaginal skillset pretty quickly after we see her take a few clients that have her do funny stuff. My favorite is her first run where a muscle dude pretty much has us ready to lead into her big gig when she strips down (did I say I love those breasts?) and he brings in
his elderly mom and introduces her as the gal that is going to work on her back! HAH, he fucks her anyways. Thankfully mom isn't there. That would be a boner buster.

But every single client gets wacked by Yellow Gloves in semi graphic fashion. What is strange about these scenes is that they are actually really well done. The flip from sex flick to straight ahead thriller is jarring. Fidani. Totally Fidani.

So who could it be? The room mate (Simone Blondell, Fidani's daughter in real life, hot 70s Eurochick in the films)? The sleazy pimp who is actually not all that bad in the pantheon of peddlers? The Nerd Dad who seems to have temper issues (and knows where his daughter is by her friends and figures out what she
is doing)? Hmmm.... maybe Ettore Manni? Nah, he is the cop.

The ending is awesome, Fidani throws in a few extra red herrings before doing the stunt oriented (could the killer really keep falling down those stairs, even around turns??) finish. There are tears, there are deaths and there is a awesome groovetastic score to boot.

Also, look for some weirdness in not one, but two weirdly edited "chase" scenes that I love. I have to snag them out of the film and post them up online for everyone to check out-they really keep the film flowing between breasts and blood.

Now, I mentioned this is a DYDZ flick, and it is. I'm really taken with it, but if you are a giallo fan you'll be bummed out by the somewhat flaccid approach taken to the thrilling elements. If you want tons of EuroTrashSex you'll get some-with additional plot and even a few comedy moments. But it always feels
like it is building to the thriller, because you get sex and stalk right on each other. That would slow my in theater masturbation moments right the hell down if I was an average fella lured in by the title. In a raincoat.

But it all adds up in my own Abacus of Zee Asylum way-it is off balance and kept me guessing. Blondell is easy to look at and does a great job in a role that is off to the side for much of the film, but when she pops up it is always important.

I love reading that the film isn't entirely hopeless despite it's director. Sure, if you want to take that attitude before you watch it, then of course you'll be surprised. But as a weird little hybrid film that seemed to want to
follow the spazmo bouncing ball to commercial success it is a glorious little slab of confusion!

The big finale...what is interesting about this is that we are actually watching a flash forward and a flash back at the same time. The narrative starts to lead into this scene, then jumps forward as Paola Senatore reacts to the newspaper printing the story, and then back into the scene. I love it!! Did the killer really need to roll down TWO flights of stairs? Yep. YEP!

Miles Deem Presents...Spaghetti Warblers Volume 1

2011-12-05T11:05:00.000-06:00

A classic moment from the Demofilo Fidani western, AND NOW...MAKE PEACE WITH GOD.
WOW!

Joe D'Amato in a Disney film?? Yep!

2011-11-17T13:03:00.002-06:00

Click for proof.

Rosemarie Lindt - A little on one of my favorite D'Amato Gals

2011-11-09T12:45:00.001-06:00

I have always wondered if I could find more information on Rosemarie Lindt. I fondly remember her in the weird D'Amato Emmanuelle's Revenge. Well, here is a bit more for all of us to enjoy. I can't read the text, but the pictures speak well for Ms. Lindt!

Pyuniversally Inspired

2011-11-09T11:51:00.002-06:00

WOW! This is going to be a very interesting film I think...pure Pyun!

Halloween Horrors-Hammered!! #16-30

2011-11-03T12:08:00.000-06:00

Well, this is going to be a long blog entry. My Halloween Horrors got HAMMERED this year, so this post contains 14 different pieces of my October madness.
Hammer and I have a weird relationship. When I was a young lad, back when televisions had coat hangers attached to them, I was obsessed by Creature Double Feature. I quit playing baseball as to avoid missing the latest monster film or adventure of Draculatic proportions. I loved the Dracula movies...but as time went on I left them behind. While some of you may not appreciate the slasher boom, it was MY time for movies. I sneaked in to Friday the 13th entries every year and Jason became my Frankenstein-literally in Part 6-and cable TV took away my Saturday ritual.
I loved Dracula, but we just lost touch. I remembered the skinny face of Peter Cushing from the occasional Frankenstein adventure, which was how I saw most Hammer films. Adventure films. They lacked the gore and oh so forbidden nudity (in the TV prints) that Jason and Freddy would offer me. They just seemed old and creaky by comparison. Herbert West (who I'll get to later) was Dr. Frankenstein for me.
So, I was inspired this year. I'm particularly proud of the achievements of my friends Neil Vokes and Bob Tinnell as they unleash FLESH AND BLOOD on the world. It is a Hammer inspired bit of Sequential Cinema that I've long waited to enjoy. But...well...I found that my appreciation for it as a comic book was deep, but I was not really skilled enough in the ways of what they were referencing to truly get it.
And when I want to get something it gets got. With obsessive desire to understand I looked squarely at the Obsessive Science Monster-FRANKENSTEIN. Watched all of them. Then moved on. And on. Groovy negligee. Buoyant breasts. Blood and Beards. Hammer. I need to get a printed copy of Flesh and Blood. I need a flashlight. I need to get under the covers of my bed.
I'm HAMMERED now and it won't stop. Inspiration comes from odd places sometimes, and it is best when it is from the success of your pals.
I originally planned to write individual reviews, but again I felt under qualified to really add anything to the mountain of study that has been put forward on these films. Not a lack of confidence really, just not sure what I can give. So, here are my quick thoughts. Nothing deep, but an unskilled look at a small splattering of Hammer Horror. I told my friend Bob Sargent that "these Hammer guys take their films fucking serious, man" and I meant it. So, use the lens of cinematic love that colors all my writing on this blog and enjoy some observations on my viewings. They will probably be re-watched in coming years-I can't wait to read what I thought "back when I re-discovered Hammer for myself."

Curse of Frankenstein was my first foray into this new Hammer period in my cinematic trip and I loved it. Christopher Lee hits a grand slam and gives a stunning performance as the monster-I didn't even realize it was him!! The Baron is a nutcase, but likeable in an obsesso-wacko kind of way. I was really struck by this being made when it was and how it stacked up to the monsters from Roger Corman and crew. This was an entirely different ballgame! Terence Fisher puts so much visual style to the world that the soap opera "But I love you!" sequences fall by the wayside as I was marveling at how much weight the bandaged monster body seemed to be carrying. And that monster!!! Wow! WOW! Hazel Court is great in what could have been a simple Screaming Mimi role as well.
As an 80s kid I have to say this one reminded me tons of Re-Animator (yes, I know it is the other way around of course). With the re-animation of the animal. The co-conspirator repulsed by the actions of the mad scientist and the beautiful lady. See, Hammer already made me appreciate how much it has done already.

Revenge of Frankenstein was a let down. I am certain a repeat viewing would help now because it definitely fits well as Frankenstein escapes the blade of justice to rename himself Dr. Stein (hah..creative fellow) and get cracking at the dead tissue and solving that whole unlife problem. The biggest upside was the look of the film and it's setting up Frankenstein as a Science Adventurer that seems to have more than a few morality issues. I really liked the entire bit of business involving the Doctors Union trying to bring Dr. Stein in to line! Hah, you can't tame Frankenstein and it really sets a very original character in motion for Hammer. Cushing puts the arrogance of the Doc, which always seems to lead to his folly, across with little motions so well that I completely got the character from here on out. He doesn't have time for you, he has things to do!!

Frankenstein Created Woman was what I watched next and this is where it totally took off for me. What an incredible film!! There isn't an ugly shot in the entire movie, and it has a bunch of relentlessly creative elements sprinkled atop the atypical plot of a beautiful woman containing two souls-one of which is bent on vengeance. The SOUL EXTRACTOR and the ideas that power it are easily the things I'll take away from the series. Not content just to play with flesh anymore, the Baron goes straight to the ethereal here. The only odd complaint I had was that the three naughty ne'er do wells that need to die are seemingly done in reverse order. I bet there is a reason, but I can't see it yet. The worst (and most awesome) of the batch is Anton, played by Peter Blythe, is dispatched and I really didn't care about the others-which dampened the climax. Ah well...I also became a big fan of Thorley Walters with this one. He is just fun to watch. This is probably the film I'd pick to show new Hammer viewers a Frankenstein film if I had to pick one.

Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed is almost as awesome as Woman, if not a dead tie. Cushing gets to ride the insanity coaster over the edge as now Frankenstein crosses not only the lines of good taste in dead bodies, but even presses the live flesh of Veronica Carlson as he breaks a completely different moral code. As I watched along in the series this one was probably the most disturbing and interesting for me. Frankenstein is blackmailing a young doctor and his fiancee (over coke smuggling!) into assisting him as he jams the brain of a colleague into a new body in order to find out what the man knew when he died. It blows up in his face though, because the Monster is more man than Frankenstein at this point, and he/it tries to settle his worldly affairs with compassion (as opposed to the Doc who keeps around Anna to make coffee) and methodically attacks and tries to destroy Frankenstein. You want to root against the Baron? This is the one to do it with.
Bonus note, this is the movie that made me question Peter Cushing and Hammer's choice of footwear. Jeez, in the opening scene the little shoes made me think it was a prostitute wandering the streets, not Frankensteena Ballerina! Now when I rewatch these I'll be obsessing over feet!

Evil of Frankenstein was one I missed in it's proper viewing space, and I really enjoyed it. NOTHING like the others, this is Hammer Road taking a short cut through Universal Way. It doesn't match, Cushing tries to sell this more...pathetic...Frankenstein. Why me...boo hoo...dead flesh...boo hoo. But it does feature an awesome Box Head Beast of a monster and some wickedly wonderful sets. I really loved the scene of the monster in the ice. Dr. Franck. Dr. Stein. Fah, having the Baron meet up with his creation as randomly as he does here is a great stretch of believability! Yeah, it's fun and for folks with Comcast HD it was on for free On Demand. GREAT print too.
This movie did make me appreciate the remainder of the series, especially ...Woman. After trying to play nice with established Frankestein-ia it seems the Hammer crew was charged up to do something much more unique. They succeeded and while this one will probably stay more a footnote to the series than a beloved classic, it belongs in a way that shows what could have been done if less effort, and unique minds, had made these films.

Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell is a trash film epic. We have mouth to vein, brain dropping fun all around. Frankenstein gets another young couple to help him as he turns the table on the administrator of an asylum and takes over for his own twisted experiments. Cushing has gone around the bend here with Frankenstein. He looks gaunt and tired (which is pointed out in the dialog at points) and builds up a giant of a Neanderthal styled mega monster with a heart. Frankenstein has lost all perspective. I almost dropped over laughing when Cushing casually tosses out the lines about getting the creature to procreate "the usual way!" Just...wow. Total entertainment and a bittersweet ending as the Doctor remains unbowed by his massive failure, ready to roll on.
I wish they had rolled on.

Horror of Dracula was my first Dracula in several decades and again, I was blown away by the production and quality of it! Lee is Dracula and having him pursued by Cushing as Van Helsing is just too much fun. The entire cast is game, I loved seeing Micheal Gough as the straight man to all the bizarre goings on. There are a few little bits that were off however. I thought John Van Eyssen was pretty wobbly as Jonathan Harker. It seems like the script had him in the know about Dracula's evil powers right up front. And then...he just stands around, unhip to the fictional script. The opening scenes of this film are fantastic, but this performance didn't work for me at all. Not that it matters much in the longer scheme of the film of course. I have to say though, THIS is a horror movie to me. Even though I'm in on the mystery of the monster (as audiences were even upon release), Lee creates elements of mystery to his performance that I want to look at again and again.

Countess Dracula knocked my socks off. It felt like a dirty fairy tale with Ingrid Pitt getting naked and scrubby bubbly with blood. There is romance. There is intrigue. There are the truly OO-ER MISSUS breasts of Andrea Lawrence to adore! I was totally absorbed by this film, it was fun to watch Nigel Green try to keep up with the aging Countess. The man just wanted a little action lady...this all could have been avoided. A must see in my opinion.
Flesh and Blood note: The mighty BEARD of Dobi is so very Vokes to me it is beyond belief. That was some frickin' work I'd wager.
This film may also contain some of the fastest "falling in loves" ever.
Ever.

Twins of Evil led me to realize that the Karnstein Trilogy was going to be MY Hammer. I don't even know how to summarize it briefly, but this is a busty and lusty little fantasy film that features vigilantes against vampires and ample twins all over the screen. The plot is so simple. Two girls, twins...a vampire in the woods. One girl is naughty and the other nice. Finally, one is evil, the other...not so evil, but in the line of fire (literally) from fearful villagers. I love this film. I have to say, it wasn't until later that I learned that this was the final Karnstein entry. It is pretty much divorced from the others outside of the busty lusty bits and stands tall on it's own.
Favorite line has to be Karnstein by the inverted burning hot crucifix rubbing up his naughty twin and saying "for you...all pleasure shall be supreme!" I mean, is that not Sex Monster 101 or what?? BRILLIANT!!!

Scars of Dracula contains my favorite image of the Hammer experiment, Christopher Lee punishing his man servant (Doctor Who??) with a burning sword is incredible. While it is in dire need of proper bats on strings, Scars piles on the gore and is one of the most entertaining of the lot so far. Jenny Hanley from The Flesh and Blood Show gives me proper stake wood, so we are already in good stead Scars, but what really jumped out at me was that this has many elements of the original novel that weren't present in Horror of Dracula! And Dracula is a sadistic badass, he seems less interested in pursuing his prey than outright devouring it and moving forward for more more more gore! Also, is it me or does Dracula get easier to revive, but grander in the way he does it here. From start to finish this is a ton of fun. Lightning?? YEAH!

Satanic Rites of Dracula is an oddball, it didn't feel like a Hammer film to me, more like a cheaper knock off one-using the same stars. It features a Psyhomania styled gang of vampiric thrall toughs, a little groovy "what the hell kind of law enforcement branch is this" tele-thrill and Christopher Lee giving a very very odd performance as D.D.Denham. What, Dr. Franck and Dr. Stein were out of town?
But you know what I like best---this is a TRASH FILM!! We have goofy Dracula and some naked chained vampire women (whose discovery by our heroes is a real highlight) AND we have Peter Cushing chainsmoking and looking gaunt and unsure as a descendant of Van Helsing. When the evil plot of BUBONIC PLAGUE is revealed I was excited to see Dracula the World Killer idea, but it plays out even better as we witness bubbling flesh of those that would serve Dracula.
I like this better than A.D. 72 because it dispenses of groove and keeps 70s grime and grit!

Vampire Circus is awesome, I know this from a viewing back when the Carlton DVD was released. There are a shedload of groovy images coming out of the beast people angle and the amazing performance from the lead gypsy woman of course, but the story and how original it is amongst vampire films really makes it a must watch. From the Plague Borders and the adventuring in relation to that, the lustful villagers falling prey to animal desire and my favorite Thorley Walters moment to date as the ridiculous bumpkin Burgermeister finds himself in a mirror ball of amusement and mayhem! If you haven't seen this, or are as inexperienced with Hammer as myself-it is a great place to start and see a bunch of sides to the output. A little stagey, full of great images and trashy spectacle, this is a circus you'll be ready to climb into the clown car with.

The Vampire Lovers. The Vampire Lovers. YES!! Busts. Busts. BUSTS!!! Bites. Bites. BITES!! The saga of Mircalla Karnstein is a full throttle bit of sex and violence cinema that manages to satisfy the junk cinema fan, but tosses in unique flavors at every turn. OK, I like the women-we can probably all agree on that. But what I can't stop thinking about is Ingrid Pitt and her portrayal of the doomed sex monster. The character does a lot of things for a lot of different motivations, but with this performance she keeps it all straight (probably the straightest thing in the film) for us. I wanted her to win? Go figure.

The opening segments are also really interesting, very stylish and it got me right into feeling the unique funk these Karnstein flicks are laying down. From the lascvious monster to the lewd lady of the house right on up to the dagger crosses and teleporting nighties-I'm digging it. Also, I have decided that Madeline Smith can use her stunning lung power to make me feel rather uncomfortable.
Thankfully, she does it in a nightie. What else?

Lust For A Vampire was my "Gotta get to it" flick for the month and I did! I'm so glad...first and foremost, I like this Mike Raven guy. He has a great vampire look going, he may have swiped THE Count's cape and stuff, but he is cool. COOL! Well, dead cold I guess. Anyway. Yutte Stensgaard is easy on the eyes and again we have the awesomely revived Mircalla / Carmilla saga underway. But wait. It's a girls finishing school. Were bare breasted neck rubbing is totally cool. And ya know...just being a writer and hanging around is good enough to fall in love with, and solve, a vampire mystery. Cool. Great bit of toady prostrates himself before beautiful vampire and pays big price scene too. Loaded with Lust and Shivering with Stakes-this is a blast and if I'd seen this, uncut, as a lad I'd be one of those guys that takes his Hammer to bed and pounds out a few. HOLY CRAP. Great bit with a cross being absorbed into vampire cleavage so deep...so wonderful...that it takes a bit before the wicked woman can make the 'rut roh face!
I need to return to the Karnstein trilogy in a few months and watch them again.

Well, there we have a bunch of Hammer films that I enjoyed watching. I can't wait to read Flesh and Blood again and appreciate not only what it is, but what it springs from and pays proper tribute to. The hours of viewing were fun and I know they will pay off.

Hammer TIME!

Halloween Horrors 2011 #15 The Last Zombie

2011-10-23T15:53:00.000-06:00

Brian Keene wrote one of the really great Zombie novels (that hit just before the Zombie renaissance sadly) in THE RISING. I didn't much care for the sequel to that one, and have checked in on his work on occasion, but his first full on comic book venture, The Last Zombie, caught my eye. Could it be good? Antarctic Press puts out good quality product and the first series is out in trade as the second series entitled Inferno rolls out monthly.
Hey, they must be doing something right, because I see the issues coming out regularly and on store shelves!
Short review, The Last Zombie is a cool zombie tale in a sequentialscape littered with corpses both weirdly groovy and atrociously poor. Sadly, it will most likely be swallowed up, but does deserve a look from any horror fan.

We join our protagonist Doctor Scott on Day 27 of THE END OF THE WORLD as he is being transported across a zombie infested city by a military escort full of soldiers straight out of the Aliens Colonial Marine school. He was supposed to be married on this day-and instead is being taken to a government secured station for big brains, away from his fiancee. The story jumps ahead two years when her installation goes offline and the same military personnel, now deadened to the dead by more than 700 days of apocalyptic acceptance.
Much like THE RISING, the lead character is on a quest to find his family through zombie territory. But there is a trick.
The Dead are dead. Again. The world has gone back to the beginning as survivors make their way after the end of the world, making things no less harrowing.
So...The Last Zombie? Well, it is a surprise that I don't want to ruin for readers-because it is rather clever and has me interested to read the new series once it is finished and collected.

The artwork by Joseph Wight is very good, stylized without looking cartoony (look for an awesome shot of the crew meeting a bear on the road) and he manages to keep the characters looking individual in similar gear and making military gear look like it has some actual weight. The zombies are gross and the sequences with the leper colony are wonderfully gruesome. The only presentation problem I have with this is the choice of lettering style. You can clearly see it in the page above-look at the letter "E" and ask yourself what is missing.
I have NO idea how this is supposed to look good to be honest, it looks like hatch marks all in the lettering, because the vowel E is prEtty important in thE schEmE of lEttEring. Ugh, I hate this, it is distracting as all get out. But if my biggest gripe is lettering on E then I guess we are doing pretty well.
The story is interesting and certainly feels like Brian Keene's storytelling that I'm familiar with. The characters are interesting and there are some new spins to old tropes that I liked a lot. The only issue I can point out is that the pace is a bit flaccid in spots. The world of The Last Zombie is nice looking, but it isn't so unique that it merits so much space as a character to itself. That might work in a book like Fist of the North Star, but not so much here.
Maybe I just wanted to get to the meat of the matter a bit quicker-call me impatient. I think I've been burned by so many independent series that don't make it to completion that I wanted to see a little more closure, but as a first act, The Last Zombie-Dead New World is a good shock show that zombie fans will enjoy. I hope that Zombie Hangover doesn't keep horror fans leery of indy comics away. It's the real deal.

Zombie Lake - The Cannes 1981 Mention

2011-10-21T14:12:00.000-06:00

I love little bits on ZOMBIE LAKE! Here is a brief mention and image from Cine Eros Star #6. The last paragraph seems to really highlight how AWESOME ZL is. I never get bored with finding more mentions of one of the cinematic sludge elite--ZOMBIE LAKE!

Click to expand the image and bask in THE LAKE!

Your Humble Blogger LIVES in Zombie Lake!!!

Halloween Horrors 2011 #14 Hellraiser: Revelations

2011-10-20T11:49:00.001-06:00

Yep, Doug Bradley doesn't play Pinhead. Yep, the new guy doesn't look very good or sound right. But this is the NINTH film in the Hellraiser series! Anyone that gets really revved up over the honor or dignity of this heavily exploited series may want to really relax and be surprised by this incredibly short-yet nasty-follow up to the last batch of straight to video episodes. Unlike several before it, Hellraiser: Revelations is not a retooled idea with a cenobite or two jammed in. Nope, this one is what it is...an exploitation of Hellraiser. The first one at that. Ninja Dixon can add some perspective to the series by the way, check it out here.

I love these direct to video sequels-not so much for each one that appears, but for the fact that they define what horror fans sometimes forget. These are made to be cash ins. I used to marvel at the amount of people cursing as the screen as they would leave movies like Friday the 13th Part 7 or Halloween 5 in the theater. Why? You know when you pay your money that you are most likely getting an echo of what you once loved, but sometimes you get one that is so much fun it either makes you appreciate and enjoy the spirit of the original or admire the spunk of the guy that had to make the 8th sequel to a film that was made 25 years ago.
And sometimes they suck. Badly. Ah well...

So Hellraiser: Revelations, what is it?
This time around we meet two strapping young lads (and their video camera) as they go to Tijuana for some thrills. They find them, leaving behind warm puke and a cold dead hooker in their wake. They also get offered "THE BOX" (yeah, I know what it is called...but I like the word BOX) by a spooky word spouting vagrant. They take it...THEY come. Flesh is peeled. But whose?
The kids parents (one of the families is named Bradley, they had to shoehorn the name in there somehow right?) get together to drink wine and wonder about the boys, and lucky for us there is a hot sister, Emma (Tracey Faraway) that was also dating the other kid.
When Emma plays with the box it brings back her brother from hell! But...uh, who is Pinhead initiating into Cenobiticism in hell. Who is wearing that flesh? I saw the original Hellraiser in the theater and know what is up of course, but it is still worked in nicely.
In the "Budget Stretch" section of the still short film there is an extended showdown in a living room before the Cenobites show up and whoop ass, flay flesh and make blue light go through hellish shutters.

Hellraiser: Revelations is a gory flick, though very little is unique stuff that we haven't seen, it is well handled and barring Pinhead's bloaty face the Cenobite make-up is really solid as well. The filmmakers are at a real disadvantage since the HD video bits will expose every rubbery bit-yet they still pull it off. There is one new Cenobite the plot puts in and I loved his look. I was also surprised how many effects, between creatures, hook flesh rending and smashed heads the film crams in. Even "Skinned Frank-furter" makes an appearance! Also, on the cheap the "mobile hell" of the Cenobites looks surprisingly accurate.

Dear Clive Barker. You signed off on CD FACE, how the hell can you not sign off on this? The checks are probably smaller, but the reputation doesn't shrink any further in my opinion.

As a film it is alright at best, I think the "found footage" aspect is handled so ineptly that it becomes a weird style of it's own. We watch a character watch video footage, which switches between handheld and the situations the camera was held in. Uh...well, so it goes. The performances are all over the board. Nick Eversman has the unenviable task of doing the "Frank" routine and definitely tries his best. It just runs too long at times and shows the weakest element of the film isn't the make-up, but getting solid delivery on grand fleshy proclamations from actors. Speaking of unenviable, I wouldn't want to have been Stephan Smith Collins when he looked in the mirror headed to set. Pinhead IS Doug Bradley-even though he is bald and has a thinish face, he looks like he ate Butterball! Also, how hard would it have been to deepen his voice a bit more on the soundtrack? Ah well, Chatterer looks groovy.

If you already hate this movie, don't bother. If you want a short and surprisingly nasty Hellraiser film that is actually trying to be one instead of a script or two being combined and remixed like some of the early films than give it a shot. Skip the end credits and you are out before an hour and five minutes pass.

One thing that is a little puzzling, though few will Lament it (har har, see I know my Hellraiser) is that IMDB has this listed as a one shot from PUZZLE BOX FILMS which would suggest that Dimension went and found the lowest priced company they could. However, Neo Art & Logic is credited right at the top of the opening scene. They have worked on the series since Bloodlines (with additional filming) and also produced the FEAST films. So, why is this important? I don't really know, but it suggests that this isn't something that was handed to complete amateurs or even those unfamiliar with the series. They probably did have a lot less money though.

And here is a clip from the awesome DAILY GRINDHOUSE interview with Doug Bradley as to why he chose not to appear. He is far less negative than most horror fans or Clive Barker. Read the entire thing, it is a fascinating look at the man behind the pins!

"No, that was offered to me and I turned it down. It just didn’t seem like a serious attempt to revive the franchise or move it forward. My understanding is that it was made for political reasons. It was shot in two weeks and had a minuscule budget. I read the script and it was okay but it was 8 years since I had the latex and nails on and I had drawn a line in my head with it. I was looking for somewhere to go with the character, something new. The screenplay just didn’t have it. It had a germ of something but it wasn’t screen ready but good luck to everyone involved."

Dimension Fantastica covers THRILLER / They Call Her One Eye!

2011-10-18T17:46:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite blogs on the planet, Dimension Fantastica, did their usual smashing job today. One of my favorite films, Thriller-A Cruel Picture gets the deluxe treatment. Click and Enjoy!!

Halloween Horrors 2011 #13 - The Spider vs. Satan's Murder Machines

2011-10-18T11:21:00.000-06:00

You can never go wrong with a Spider adventure! Moonstone has released SATAN'S MURDER MACHINES in a limited hardcover edition that includes some nice artwork (especially the stunning Mark Wheatley cover) and a short bonus manuscript style story.
This time around Wentworth is extremely busy dodging his friend Kirkpatrick and the police force when he is set up and has to go head to head with a gang of ROBOT BEASTS that are as vicious and formidable a sci-fi pulp pounding band of rogues as I can remember. These things fry people. They fling full cars. They smash buildings and Wentworth with his trusty fellows (and lovely Nita 'natch) has to stand tall at every page turn.
I loved it...this may actually be the best Spider story I've read for sheer pace and thrills.

"Slowly the right arm of the monster lifted...and Wentworth remembered that its forefinger could spurt lead and death!"
If you enjoy pulp action and want to enjoy some exclamation laden prose and tons of action, this is a great book for your Halloween nights-the robot suits make it. The book is surprisingly nasty, especially once The Spider figures a way to defeat the pilots of the suits. Anyone making a Spider movie and looking to go heavy retro should check it out.

Moonstone puts together a nice package as always, and while the cover price may seem a bit steep, it is nice to have a hardcover Spider book on the shelf and a good story at that. Interior art is a mix of pulp and new stuff, and I liked the look of the monsters as drawn by James Sherman a lot.

I definitely did not appreciate the dedication taking a swipe at the creators of Iron Man as if the character "Iron Man" in here was anything like the character of Marvel Comics Iron Man. If you paid for a hardcover Spider novel I would think you are the kind of buyer that respects writers and creators. It isn't necessary and seems like preaching to a choir that doesn't need the message. I'd take another page of original Spider art over this anytime.

The Spider is a classic character and Satan's Murder Machines will satisfy anyone that purchases it.

Halloween Horrors 2011 #10 and #11 Friday The 13th Series

2011-10-16T08:10:00.000-06:00

Ah yes, the Friday the 13th series. It is like the bagel at breakfast time. I've had 'em a bunch of times and enjoyed the flavors and when I need something to fill my horror needs, this series is always a splattery treat. I could not resist the incredibly cheap collection of DVDs that was just released (with a nifty little Jason mask to boot)-and I'm tired of waiting for Blu Ray. I'm glad I made the jump, because each of these films offers not just a fun watch, but a step back into when the series was new and I would sneak in (or just buy a ticket since it ran long enough for me to be of age) to see them.

Halloween Horrors #10 -- Friday The 13th Part 2
What is instantly recognizable about the 1st sequel is that it stays tight with the formula of the first film, but the "legend of Jason" makes it feel very different. Especially since we see the original Final Girl dispatched in the opening sequence by Jason, who packs up mom's head to drive the point (of a screwdriver) into the skull of the sole survivor of the original film. Jumping ahead 5 years (seriously, Jason X seems about right if you time line these out) another merry band of camp counselors hook up, party and die in gruesome fashion. There is something to be said for staying to formula here, because just as with the first film, the counselors and red herrings are all fun to watch, especially the antics of the girl that wants to hook up with the wheel chair bound arm wrestler.
Jason is also fun, and interesting in retrospect. With his bag head and lumbering gait, he is a lot less Ghost Monster and more Ed Lee backwoods marauder. He stumbles around a lot more, but his sense of "I'm gonna scare the shit out of you before I kill you" is already in place. I love the scene with him getting kicked in the groin near the end of the film as the truly excellent Amy Steel sprints through her Final Girl paces.
So, is this just a clone of the original? Well, with the same basic plot being converted from a murder mystery to a monster movie, I find it satisfying as a unique film not just compared to the original, but in the overall series. Jason is unique, his legend is clearly outlined and he feels much more limited-as if the survivors ALMOST have a chance against him. Later on, we know that they don't...
Also, I have to thank the costume designer of this film. The women all wear these tiny little outfits and while it isn't my particular taste, the guys do as well. The only film that has tighter pants on the guys is Sleepaway Camp-where I swear they were trying to be funny with the itty bitty man package poppers. Extra points for my young self popping out to remember that skinny dipping sequence. It holds up and stays up.

My 2011 viewing of F13 pt. 2 was a lot of fun, with so much being made (by me, to myself) of getting these on Blu Ray I think I glossed over just how cut up this installment in the series is. There is not a lot of gore, and the set ups tend to not pay out the way they would later on. Too bad, but it still stands tall in the running, name yelling and machete to the face down the stairs backwards in a wheelchair sweepstakes!

Halloween Horrors #11 Friday the 13th Part 3 3-D

Well, nothing beats sitting in my home with a pair of 3-D glasses on and watching Jason shoot implements out of my TV at me! This entry is a favorite even when shown without the glasses for mostly nostalgic reasons. Jason gets his hockey mask, the BARN OF DEATH is featured and you have one of the goofiest "gangs" I've ever seen. They make Ripper and crew from Demons look like The Warriors!
Jason is back, and before we even get to the smallish group of counselors he is running amok and making his presence known. As I mentioned about part 2, Jason likes to play with his victims, and the 3-D use really plays this angle up as we run through hanging sheets and layered Whack A Victim scenarios as Jason lurks about in the backgrounds of shots before delivering his special brand of slasher mayhem.
Then it goes to formula for a bit as our counselors / carnage fodder are introduced
Shelly is one of my favorite SlashNerds of all time, he is the doofy guy that is here to make his pals look good, even though they are really generic compared to earlier films in the series. Instead of having a big band of campers to crush, this entry adds in a gang that isn't going to take Jason's shit lying down. If they are ineffective and funny as "toughs" it is another fun element that makes the movie breeze along.
But are we here for characters? Nope! This is a 3-D fun ride and it lives up to the idea with style!

I love this film, and if you do as well then I suggest a revisit. In the age of bigger (and wider) televisions for many of us, it was great to sit down with the red/greens and marvel at the depth while wondering exactly what color pants anyone was really wearing while filming. My favorite bit is the speargun shot, and this time I couldn't stop chuckling at watching Jason line up where the speargun would be in a few separate shots so that the wire and the gun would be aligned correctly in the center of the screen! Watch it again and you'll see what I mean.
The DVD also contains a flat version, which I watched through to check out the clothing as well as some of the highlights. The image is clean, but the 3-D doesn't always work for me--it was fun to watch Jason's first appearance as the hockey mask ghoul in 2-D and I recommend it. I was really surprised to see that one of the girls was wearing red pants when I assumed that she couldn't possibly be doing that in the 3-D print.

Viva Jason!! Halloween wouldn't be the same without him / it!

Double Features Featured!

2011-10-14T14:54:00.000-06:00

Halloween Horrors 2011 #9 -Escape From The Planet of the Living Dead

2011-10-14T10:06:00.002-06:00

The PLANET OF THE LIVING DEAD series I've been covering for Halloween Horrors continues right now! Escape From The Planet of the Living Dead is a really interesting entry, looping back to the initial book to continue the story in slam and bang fashion. We get a little romance, a bunch of zombies and an escape...as promised.

In some ways this is one of the most entertaining entries into the series, because it features an actual bit of closure (or does it??) and moves along some of the characters that were previously introduced. I enjoyed the fact that we see the 2 year journey of our original group that was abandoned by the sinister Jek, but bummed out we actually DON'T get more of the bad guy. It's a must for any reader of the series...but...well, it looks pretty different.
The previous issues artwork was really interesting and loaded with detail. For this big finale the art is completely different in style, which is doubly hurtful to the continuity since it is a continuation instead of another tale set apart as the past issues were. From the detailed and glossy (if not a bit ID like in the last issue) moderately manga style of earlier installments, we go rough and sketchy here with Brian Denham.

It really stiffs up the feel of the series and will be really jarring if the entire thing is collected. Too bad... but there is a caveat. I actually prefer this art to the previous installments overall. There is a ton of energy, even in the static talking sequences...Denham has a nice layout style and cuts loose when the time is right. It may not match the series, but I think I might have enjoyed the entire thing even more with this artwork style. Go figure.
While not a good starting point for readers, if the series is collected I would recommend it!

Hong Kong Hell Camp Women unearthed Spanish Trailer

2011-10-12T18:02:00.000-06:00

Dig it!! Artwork by Jay Piscopo and words by me with translations by Marta "O" The Pornolinguist!

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Dirce Funari Casual (un)Dress Tuesday

2011-10-11T15:20:00.000-06:00

A long weekend has me feeling like I need some relaxation today...so I have DIRCE FUNARI for all!

Halloween Horrors #8 - The Theater #1

2011-10-10T16:51:00.000-06:00

Another trip to the Sequential Sarcophagus today with Zenescope Entertainment ushering us in to THE THEATER with this new series that promises cinematic thrills and chills.
We get some and that is certainly a good thing.

After a quick intro has a couple head into a theater to watch THE CHANGE we get a set up for a future zombie invasion that sets the stage well. A father and son try to make their way in this dead new world until fate intervenes and the parent is bitten. He changes and...well, you have to take a look to find out.

The story is really solid and well written. Raven Gregory has a solid style of storytelling and sharp narration for the characters that makes it really compelling. Any zombie fan will enjoy it, and they will certainly like the artwork by Martin Montiel with colors by Micheal Garcia is really cool. It feels like a less stylized early issue (by Vince Locke) of Deadworld enhanced by colors that maintain the linework and skips over the candy puke coloring so prominent today.
I liked this book a lot.

I do have one issue however, as a fan of horror cinema, seeing THE THEATER as the draw in I expected something cinematic. The Change is a solid zombie story, but it has a LOT of monologue and is exactly the opposite of what I guessed would be inside. I guess I would not have looked at COOL ZOMBIE STORIES WITH STRONG WRITING AND COOL ART #7883437, so Zenescope's title pays off. But...I hope this isn't how the rest of the series goes or I'll be disappointed.

Good story, strong art, self contained. A nice way to spend some time reading comics for Halloween!

Halloween Horrors #7 - Humanoids From The Deep 1996

2011-10-09T08:16:00.001-06:00

More terrorific tales to keep my Horror month rolling. As a completely random grab I decided to give the 1996 Showtime "Roger Corman Presents" version of HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP a spin. The original broadcast appears to be the longest available version, so I was doubly intrigued to check it out. While nobody really needed a remake of the awesome original, I was actually really surprised by how much I liked this. It isn't a remake at all really, though yes, it does include some stock footage from the original.
Would it really be a Roger Corman exploitation of an older film without stock footage?

After a military operation goes awry and decapitations happen (as they tend to do when clawed creatures meet soldiers) a small fishing town with a secret is under siege as the Humanoids we know so well stalk the sea and slaughter. Now, the stalking is a bit limited, they must have created a sleeve and claw to use, because practically every victim is grabbed in the same shot and dragged down below the surface. It must have been a great day as the actors lined up one by one for their leg to latex sequence!

I love this image, that is the remains of a boy that falls into the water early in the film. When they say "the little guy never had a chance" and the actual prosthetic is that little (and well made by the way), it made me chuckle and smile.
Anyways, there is a plot, but it is very typical monster movie trope-o-go-go. Some of the fisherman are dumping chemicals called SYNESTIN into the water to make extra bucks. Only issue is that the fishmen we saw earlier are actually a failed experiment to create SUPER SOLDIERS that are supposed to die out if not given the proper nutrients. They eat Synestin as luck would have it! Even that darn ROGEMAN gets in on the action.

Various fisherman fall victim to the monsters (including Walton Goggins of Justified and The Shield) and there is even a little bit that uses stock footage from the mega-massacre at the end of the original film. Thankfully, all is made right with some fire and a lot of full monster suit burns.

I had really low expectations for this and perhaps that is why I enjoyed it. Instead of trying to be the original it took the monsters and some of the ideas (and footage) and made a solid under 90 minute monster flick that has everything I could ask for. The make up effects and costumes are actually great and I didn't find fault with making the characters as standard as they were because there is some fun dialog and even a weird twist or two. While we don't get the HUMPING FISHMAN redux, there is a great bit of a woman stumbling from the lair of the Humanoids to not just become inst-pregnant, but to BURST open and have a tiny Humanoid make it's escape. It's like THE THING on a 20 dollar budget, and I'm good with that. Also, you have to see the IMPREGNO-COCOON! I loved this set very very much, it should be in every monster flick.

If you, like me, are burnt out on the endless "MEGADINOCROCTORIPOFFOFARIPOFFOFAGREATIDEA" genre then this might be for you. Straight forward monster suits mushing it up with a batch of really silly characters that don't take things really seriously.
Have a glass of Rogeman's SYNESTRIN and enjoy on a cool October night with a Pumpkin Ale or 5!

Come on...check out this trailer-you know you want to!

Hong Kong Hell Camp Women restored US Trailer

2011-10-07T18:59:00.002-06:00

We found it!!! The lost trailer for the soon to be unleashed HONG KONG HELL CAMP WOMEN!!!

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Halloween Horrors #6 Al Bundy vs. The Grim Reaper

2011-10-06T11:43:00.000-06:00

I was thrilled to find the complete MARRIED...WITH CHILDREN boxset in my mailbox this week, but couldn't figure out when to watch them. And then it hit me. Halloween episodes!! It appears there is only one that is dedicated to the holiday, so that is part of this month's viewing. Episode 164 (Season 8 episode 7) is TAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE and is a solid effort with The Bundy Family.
Bud, Kelly and Peggy are all ready for Halloween with their amazing custom costumes that lead into Kelly saying she ran out of ideas for hers. Check it out.

Of course Marcy and Jefferson are in trouble this holiday as well. Marcy is hosting a party for "Women Who Killed Their Husbands Just To Watch Them Die" and can't live up to what she has promised them for a 100 dollar fee. The Village People. Yes, the real ones make an appearance and get beat down by the women, but our little troupe ends up performing as the dick swinging disco ducks as well. They only have one song. YMCA. Of course.

Al arrives home and prays yet again for death to come and take him from his humdrum life...and The Grim Reaper arrives. It could take the form of his greatest fantasy or worst nightmare. And....

Of course.
The Reaper offers Al one simple chance to get out of hell (which he is actually in the process of going to since Kelly left a toxic canister open in the house while Al sleeps on the couch). Without his prompting one of the family has to need him.
Crap!

Luck strikes and the near fatal beatings dealt out to the Village People saves him. If you like Married...With Children than you will definitely enjoy this episode. The reaper stuff isn't as funny as you would hope (frankly, I wanted to see Al suddenly turned on by Dark Peg and throw her a tricky treat)-but the bits with the angry women are hilarious and Ted McGinley is fantastic as usual. He gets some really funny bits while dressed as the Village Person with the jumbo mustache.
And hey...this episode was nominated for an Emmy for Best Costuming. I'll take Deathly Peg anyday!

Halloween Horrors #5 - HATCHET 2

2011-10-04T15:08:00.000-06:00

I loved Hatchet. It was funny and gory and front loaded with Boobs a Poppin'. What more could you ask for? A sequel that brings more gore and more boobs and more humor. Well, Hatchet 2 does that, but I can't say I thought it was as fun as the first.
Picking up from the first film, Marybeth escapes from the monstrous Victor Crowley and finds out that her daddy is involved in the terrible legends birth. Oh oh. She heads back to the city to talk to Reverend Zombie again...and now the Rev has a plan to get rid of Crowley and take the swamp for himself.
I don't understand the legality of any of this, but boy...there are some fucking crazy gore scenes that made me forget about how dumb the premise is.
And the saga of Victor Crowley is related in VERY LONG AND DRAWN OUT, yet effective, FASHION.

Hatchet 2 isn't really a reviewable flick in my opinion. It isn't much different from the first, so fans should be satisfied. It is equal to the original in the gore department, I loved many of the gags (and *chokes*) because they varied from the HOLY SOCKS THAT IS NASTY to HAH...I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT! type of flesh flinging. The giant double chainsaw splatter scene is so cool that it deserves to be seen by every horror fan at least once. So, gore is all good.
The pace is really awkward though, and that is where it falls really short. The quick start then goes into the back story that features an awesome narration by Tony Todd. Note, if you need to tell a ghost story, have Tony Todd tell it. Lesson learned from Hatchet 2. Don't have Tony Todd talk for an incredibly long time.
Once the film settles in and the Haunted Hunters head into the swamp things fly by. And finally the humor of the first film returns. I got a kick out of the silent dude (who only mouths "what the fuck" at one point) and have to give the sex scene that contains the line "that's inappropriate" deserves hall of fame status for funny bits in a slasher. I haven't laughed that hard in a while during a horror film, and then someone gets a swift hatchet in the crotch to punctuate the scene. OUCH.
Tony Todd is always good, and when he faces off with Crowley at the end we see that he is one BIG dude and plays the intimidating guy for a reason most times. Kane Hodder pulls double duty and is great as well. If this had been 85 minutes and not quite so drawn out I think it would have been the original films equal. As it stands, this is a great flick to watch when it is on your cable channels and fans of the original may be a little let down, but as a wild wet kiss to slasher fandom, Hatchet 2 strikes the right notes. Maybe a few too many times, but why not?
And Danielle Harris was on my TV for the second time this week in a horror sequel! I ain't complaining about that at all. Chromeskull and Hatchet 2 couldn't be more different, but both are fun rides for those that want a bit of horror in their Halloween.

Halloween Horrors 2011 #4 - Planet of the Living Dead

2011-10-03T09:50:00.000-06:00

Zombie Comics. Well, there are lots-but I'm partial to checking out some of the smaller press books and like Antarctic Press in general, so it was fun to pull out the three PLANET OF THE LIVING DEAD releases. Very interesting-it takes Zombies and Space Settings (holy Dead Space) and stirred it up with an Manga Shotgun stylings to tell a different kind of zombie story.
What is most interesting to me is that the series is told in one shot style, skipping the drop off of sales for an unproven #2 or #3 that tends to occur in the wild world of comic shop ordering. I'm glad they did it, even though each installment really doesn't work as stand alone episodes, at least the book is coming out fairly regularly. Check 'em out.

Planet of the Living Dead gets things rolling well, though it certainly takes a bit of time introducing the cast of characters in typical Alien fashion. A spaceship. A planet beckons. A lander lands. Zombies GRARGH! Finale. Not exactly deep thinking, but I got what I wanted for sure. The change up that I really liked was taking the "corporate weasel" character of Mr. Jek and making him not only an aggressive asshole, but a legit badass as well. You'll go through the entire rev up waiting for him to scream and get eaten, but instead he goes ballistic, kicks ass and abandons all the good characters to die, surrounded by zombies and ready to get munched with an oath of vengeance on their lips.
The dialog is really solid and the artwork is a nice gritty selection of black and white digital art. I was really impressed by the detail in both the ships and the zombies here, it made the entire thing fun to look at, even when it was overlong in the setup.
I'm not a big fan of the manga sound effects thing, but it does add a little element of cool to the sounds of the zombies here. They ooze across the page and in the readers ear as well. I wanted more and WHAM! I got it.

Another spaceship arrives...this time loaded up with a robot packin' investigation team to check out the planet. No human life is detected, but after another lengthy set up and more nice Hutchinson artwork, the big power suit touches down and has a mega battle with the zombie population. As with the first volume there is a nice twist that has the outbreak spread with a slightly less than BOO-YAH finish for our MechPilot!
Again, the dialog is spot on and the art is really nice-Hutchinson has a feel for both the small interiors of the ship and then spreading out the zombie hordes. This volume is a little cleaner looking in the art, though I'm not sure I preferred that. Another fun read and another END? ending... I kept my hopes high for BATTLE FOR THE PLANET OF THE LIVING DEAD!

Another issue that doesn't disappoint! This time we follow a slightly average joe on his way to work and WHAM...ZOMBIE ATTACK. This issue follows the formula with a good introduction to the characters, but focuses on more large scale horror. A story well told, I have to admit to missing Hutchinson here, but the style is very similar and appears to use the same digital tools. This installment has a lot more weaponry and ballistic bashing, which is always welcome. I have to say though, it sure looks like Rod Espinosa is looking forward to the ID game RAGE as much as I am.
A cool little series, I definitely look forward to it being collected in a trade for one full throttle zombie experience!

Halloween Horrors 2011 #3 CHROMESKULL - Laid to Rest 2

2011-10-02T08:23:00.000-06:00

I really enjoyed Robert Hall's film LAID TO REST. It had gore. It had a stylish looking killer. It had a minimalistic plot. Good music.
LOTS of films have the above elements, but very few put them together as well as the first Chromeskull outing however. I don't like Laid To Rest actually. I love it. This was a movie that didn't skimp on style and action and instead of feeling like a slapped together gorefest that just didn't bother with a script, there was a genuine attempt at atmosphere that reminded me of seeing Phantasm for the first time. It shouldn't hold together, but for me the original film creates an atmosphere that is all to easy to miss in most modern low budget horror films. Real uncertainty is king and you never can tell what is going to happen because you aren't sure what is happening in the original. Can the sequel follow in the same sharp black suit and shiny death's head fashion?
Yes!

Picking up where the first film left off, the girl that fucked up Chromeface the first time is being left behind by the other survivor. Already we aren't certain as to where this will all go, and in hi-tech Friday the 13th Part 2 tradition it doesn't take long for the film to go on a completely different, new and unpredictable direction. Chromeskull is not what he seemed, as he gets treatment and protection as he is mended up by surgeons from his failure in the previous film. But who could he be? All we do know is that there is a power struggle in Chromeskull Kickass Inc. as his nasty UltraSlaughterer wannabee assistant Preston tries to assume the mantle of Chromeskull, tying up loose ends that include a police investigation into the death of The Girl. But wait, another accomplice to Chromeskull is jockeying for position too. She wants Preston out, Preston wants in so much so he wants to rule the roost and Chromeskull is pissed. Seriously pissed. I do not want to be on the edge of his wrath. Oh, and of course, Chromeskull wants to play as his assistants set up a "new playspace" for him.
Lost? Yeah, that is why it works. I can understand some viewers distress. We know nothing of who Chromeskull is, we don't know how he has a shadow network that seems to extend into the FBI or really anything else. I say good on you Robert Hall. Because again, somehow, Laid To Rest has left me wondering how the movie is flying by so quickly and never feeling bogged down by nonsensical cliches that get repeated from earlier films and take me out of the action. It wouldn't work for every film, but given the success of the original, this one doesn't disappoint. And if you think you are full of questions now, be sure to stick all the way through the credits.
And bonus points for Chromeskull trodding on Godzilla's star. I loved that.

I can't put my finger exactly on what I loved about the Laid To Rest films, but I can tell you that they are technically VERY well made. The photography is super sharp and the design of Chromeskull and his weapons are as iconic as anything I can think of, right up with Jason and the machete, Freddy and the glove or even Leatherface and his 'saw. The acting, especially in Chromeskull, is shockingly solid. Brian Austin Green, who also has a producing credit, lets it all hang out as Preston and I kept looking at him and trying to picture him in any role I would have seen him play before. Nope. This is a spot on maniacal bit of work. Everyone I know that has seen this seemed really put off by one character decision late in the film by the character, but for me it completely captures the appeal of this film. Not to spoil the end, if you wonder why there is a tattoo artist in Chromeskull's lair then I think you are missing the point. Of course there is! This isn't "oh baby don't go back in the house" territory, this is "what a bizarre world we are in" storytelling. I loved that.
And the gore! Amazing effects that accentuate make-up and physical effects combined with very smart use of CGI that never feels crappy and forced. Alright, dear Friday The 13th rights holders. Be sure to get Almost Human Inc. on board for a sequel and reshoot EVERY famous deleted gore sequence and jam them into one film. Now. My jaw dropped not only at the level of violence in each death scene, but that they are all pulled off without a hitch. Awesome, I don't want to spoil even one. See this flick. Enjoy it. Or don't. But I bet you won't forget it.

Halloween Horrors 2011 #2 - .com for murder

2011-10-01T19:14:00.000-06:00

Nico Mastorakis. You say the name and I say GOAT!! Island of Death is one of the great trash films of all, but he never did quite equal that feat. .com for murder is no exception. However, it gets a pretty bad rap it would seem, but top loaded with a fun cast, sharp images, a pulpy script that jettisons logic and a groovy beat-it makes for a decent night viewing from the Greek Guru of Oogy Cinema.
To the haters I say that you calling this movie shit is responded to by computer Z as follows.

Sondra (Nastassja Kinski, who gets a production credit) is cyber chasing her misogynistic dick boyfriend (played by Roger Daltrey!) and finds that he has an account at American Love On Line. Well, he is chatfucking away and Sondra decides to play around as him. She raises the ire of a hacker that somehow takes control of her system and uses piss poor fonts to terrorize her. Then he shows her a real murder.

Sondra has a broken leg (also known as Rear Window-itis) so her hot sister comes by to keep her company in her jacked up CYBER HOME WITH A COMPUTER CALLED HAL!! I am not making this up. It is awesome. It speaks in a really groovy Quaalude bender voice too. The hacker decides to kill the girls. Huey Lewis gets involved. (WHAT. THE. FUCK???) And The News in this one? The amazingly hot Melinda Clark. Damn. This is a great cast doing silly things in a crazy movie that has a dude in funky "cybershades" stalking a Kinski.

You can't mess with that.
There is a painstaking synopsis right here on the Omega site, and better yet there is some behind the scenes material that talks about Mastorakis regarding working with Kinski as chewing on razorblades. But this is what I can tell you about the film. I enjoyed it because amongst the spectacularly stupid detritus there are some pretty sharp moments that stood out. I really liked the look of the dark scenes with the weird "cyber" lighting. Also, the killer played by Jeffery Dean may talk some silly shit, but he plays it with so much goofy intensity I really liked him. Bring on the next monolog Jeffery!!! In the sequel I want a zombie Werther to read Frank Miller's HOLY TERROR instead of this stuff.

Also interesting, Andreas Bellis of Thriller-A Cruel Picture and Breaking Point fame is the director of photography and he finds some neat ways to prowl around flat screens that work well. The score is decent and also adds a bit of ambiance to the movie when it is used well.

I could watch Melinda Clark eat an apple for 10 minutes, I could gawk at Huey Lewis as a grizzled cop for 10 minutes, I could watch Nastassja Kinski roll around in a wheelchair for 1 minute and Nicolette Sheridan has an interesting "countdown to extinction" bit that I watched for about 20 minutes. It about adds up to .com for murder. It ain't killer, but it ain't bad either.

Halloween Horrors 2011 #1 - SLITHIS

2011-10-01T07:07:00.001-06:00

Halloween Horrors returns! Every year I keep track of what I'm watching and am amazed that I watch as little straight Horror as I think I do. So, October is the month to dedicate myself to the genre that spooked me as a kid and chills me as an adult! Let's get crackin' skulls!

HALLOWEEN HORROR #1

SLITHIS

Slithis is one of the films that makes me think of the kids book Paulie Pastrami. Young Paulie achieves "world peace" by giving cupcakes out to everyone he meets. I think I'd do this with monster movies-and Slithis, while not a particularly stunning achievement, it is a perfect bit of man in a suit going GWARRRRRRRGH and terrorizing a small community that just might heal any emotional wounds you may have.
Just say it...SPAWN OF THE SLITHIS. Feels good. Do it for 50 minutes and then send me 90 bucks.

How many movies feature slow motion fat kid playing frisbee to a six million dollar man style sound? ONE.
SLITHIS!

How many monster movies have a turtle wearing an umbrella? ONE.
SLITHIS!!!!

The best thing about Slithis is that it defines the term "ease of use" in the script department. Kids stumble over a mutilated dog corpse. They run and an investigation begins. A schoolteacher that was a journalist and really seems to dislike kids decides to get involved. Super science explanations involve the word Slithis.
SLITHIS!
People are attacked by an AWESOME rubber monster!! Some detective work ensues.

SLITHIS!! Look at that dude!! SLITHIS!!!
I just like typing Slithis. Sorry.
I'm going to add it to my dictionary so that spellcheck realizes the might of SLITHIS!
Anyway, there is an awesome subplot about the homeless population (of about 4) in this little town. Not only do they have a social system that must be investigated and information comes in the currency of 5 dollar wine, but they provide fodder for...you know who.
SLITHIS!!!
The filmmakers nailed "gnarly homeless platoon" in true Street Trash manner by the way.

A little more explanation and while our heroes hunt for SLITHIS the monster decides to change his name and go from SLITHIS to SLITHGONNAGETSOMEASS!

Monster suit. Car Attack. Super Science. Boob. This movie will heal the hole in your soul.
SLITHIS!
There is a big conclusion that has the mega monster getting messed with anchors and belly showing man flying kung fu (sorta). It is awesome fun...I can't really be critical of camera angles or anything like that. You could show SLITHIS eating cereal and farting while watching cartoons and it would still be great. See?

Well, it is sort of hard to see actually. But so it goes.
Slithis is a straight up monster flick from the 70s that will either bore or delight the viewer, depending on their outlook, sense of nostalgia or love of rubbery man beasts. I love all this and had actually never seen the film before this viewing. I enjoyed it a lot more than the MegaBeast monsters of recent memory, because the kids look like pictures from my youth and the whole thing has a vibe that doesn't just evoke Creature Double Feature monster movies, but also the time when I watched them. Stripey shirts, big collars and I think my childhood may have been in that frisbee slow motion at times.
If you love minor monster movies, you really should try SLITHIS!

Casual (Undress) Friday : Barbro Klingered Edition

2011-09-30T14:47:00.000-06:00

It's back...when the weather is this warm and October approaches, it is time to shed some clothes. Also, I got very curious about Barbro Klingered after my long write up on BREAKING POINT from Bo Arne Vibenius and wanted to stop calling her "gearshift!" Enjoy... and thank you to all the scanners that make Barbro available!

The Breaking Point of Bo Arne Vibenius (Updated!)

2011-09-27T18:40:00.001-06:00

While hanging in Sweden both Fred Anderson and myself were totally taken by our screening of the follow up to Thriller-A Cruel Picture, Breaking Point. Bo Arne watched the film with us and had lots of interesting comments to make. The film itself is a CRAZY "pornographic thriller" as the original title claims. Here is a synopsis of the film and I'll follow up with some other facts in the next post. Also, here is a truly awesome poster image. This movie will have a more limited audience than Thriller-A Cruel Picture as it is loaded with hardcore acts involving gear shifts and penis fly trapping-but I think it is an amazingly cool cult item. Even with some wonky English dialog (delivered in "English isn't my mother tongue" fashion), combined with both the content and commercial results of Thriler, it is a fascinating slab of sick and twisted Swedish Sin.

If I had the chance again, as I did with Thriller, to be asked-which one film would you want to release Mr. Z, it would be this one. Hey DVD companies, get it done! You'll be showing some balls (for real) by grabbing these ghoulies! Breaking Point... A Synopsis of Swedish Sin

Opening on a sinister looking eye watching an elevator fall in a darkened hall, the camera cuts to a woman in the supermarket. Already the audience knows the mundane everyday world of shopping and carrying groceries is about to be destroyed in her world. And it is. Brutally attacked by an unseen assailant, the scene contains forced sex as well as truly visceral bludgeoning violence. This isn't comfort zone cinema....this is Breaking Point.

The first word of the film is uttered as we meet our "protagonist"Bob Bellings at work. An unassuming presence at his office desk, the nerdish Bellings checks and stamps papers with grim robotic precision and a donut glaze over his eyes. Those same eyes light up as a woman passes by however and he only says one thing. It's a simple sentiment that permeates the entire film with an attitude of misogyny that permeates every frame.

"Bitch."
Obviously, this guy has a problem with women. He spends a lot of his day objectifying them at one turn, and humiliating them at others.

Bob watches as a news broadcast talks of the rape and violence perpetrated by some "bastard illegal citizen" (according to the police officer being interviewed) and alternates dreamily between watching the women in the office and staring down his female coworkers as the television gives the ladies of Stockholm some advice.
"Keep calm and let him do what he wants. Worse comes to worse you'll only get raped."
Also the "well researched" statistic that 89 percent of women have rape fantasies is interpreted into that the rapist is simply giving most women what they want...but the cops do request that he stop killing them!
While there are strange and weird scenes all through the film, this bit may be the weirdest. Putting us firmly in the head of the insane office man, he garners permission from the television for his actions/fantasy play at every turn. Is any of this "real"--has Bellings done anything? I don't think so. But as the Swedish equivalent of a salaryman, his imagination wanders and his hatred grows and grows.

Not exactly a feminist tract so far now is it?

The women of the office flirt with Bob right after this is mentioned, because in Breaking Points world NOTHING gets a woman horny like rape talk. Well, at least 89 percent of them. He can not process this though, and instead of lust taking over for Bob, the only obvious reaction he expresses is rage.

He takes this feeling with him away from the office and into the streets. More stalking, more raping ensues. But...does it?
The woman appears again...and from a simple meeting on a stairway--

Bellings moves through the fog of fantasy and utters "Undress you." He gets what he wants in a strange power trip that moves from surprise to consensual porno sex.

The rapes become more and more carnal events as the women give into Bellings-allowing him any and every position he can imagine, and welcome him to kiss the semen from their faces after he is finished. He also fantasizes the rapes again in strange sequences that involve a fly landing on a large penis and being painfully flicked off. OUCH!!

Amidst all these afternoon activities, he spends time alone at home, building model trains and fantasizing intently on his post job antics.
For some reason he will not turn his rage on the women at work, and does so in the most passive aggressive way he can. Yep, by masturbating into a cup and spiking the coffee of a woman that beats him down (at least verbally). His plan is thwarted as she adjusts to the taste and enjoys it. More rage and venting on those outside the building ensues.

Now things get weird!

A law has been passed according to the ever present television narration...all citizens MUST carry a gun, and can just go pick it up at any weapons shop. So Bob does, and he also takes some police issue "fragmentation" ammo from a rabid gun dealer who wants to see the streets "cleaned up." After a few test shots, it would seem the bullets will leave a huge mess of anything it hits. This scene is a crazed Rambo scene for the common man that is a combination of sweaty and sick and hilariously descriptive of the filmmakers understanding of a "commercial venture" when it comes to movies! Look for Thriller-A Cruel Picture veteran Per-Axel Arosenius as the gun dealer. If you thought that Thriller was interested in showing military training, this is like the Swedish Strike Commando training!

And then he picks up a child... and I'll leave it to you to see what happens. If Vibenius contributes to the cinema of discomfort, this sequence in the context of the film outdoes the corpse eyeball shattering of Thriller with ease. Teeth clenchingly tense, the outcome is perhaps the only sign of relief for the insanity of Bob Bellings, the last hope of the filmmaker. If you have ever seen Vibenius' childrens film Hur Marie Traffade Fredrik you know that he has some rather interesting ideas of what is commercial and acceptable for kids. Jeez.

Of course Bob also the fantasy woman again, and now she wants to suck him and fuck his car's gearshift before our hapless anger avatar is kidnapped by robbers, taking away his power. Shifting gears with the still drying fluids on it, Breaking Point suddenly becomes an action film... and the whole experience unravels until the final twist is revealed. Bellings is shown for exactly what he is and the audience is left to either scratch their heads or be left in awe. Now we are left to gather what is real, imagined and wished for in each and every scene of coupling carnage.

The dialog in this scene is one of the highlights to me--as Bellings is kidnapped by the funniest "JIVE MOTHERS" ever to walk into Sweden! There is a sense of humor in Breaking Point, though I'm not sure this is supposed to be one of them...

Bo Arne Vibenius' BREAKING POINT started life as a completely different project. After the disappointing returns of Thriller-A Cruel Picture, even with the films success with AIP in the United States, the filmmaker was looking to try again with AB Audiovisual to create a profitable and commercial film.
You may remember that Thriller-A Cruel Picture was "commercial" according to the filmmaker. Breaking Point certainly is not. That is because the follow up to Thriller was to be financed by the government of Sweden in a money matching program. When the matched private financing fell by the wayside, Vibenius and crew were forced to scramble something together. This bizarro alternate world futureshock porn thriller was the result! Fueled by nervous energy and the unending desire to film something...anything... with the government grant, the script was pounded out in two days. Vibenius really lucked out to have his talented Director Of Photography, Andreas Bellis, agree to take up the lead role. His talent is a huge part of Thriller and Vibenius' success-and luckily he also had another large, yet mostly hidden, talent in his pants he would be willing to flaunt and flick a fly off. Bellis is excellent in the film-lifting it up (or down as the case may be) into dementia even during the silliest sequences.

Andreas Bellis setting up a shot for THRILLER-A CRUEL PICTURE

Truly an odd film worth looking at, Breaking Point is an important piece in the puzzle of Bo Arne Vibenius' cinema. Breaking Point's harrowed "hero" cum rapist cum adventurer slash fantasy hero, Bob Bellings, feels a bit like an avatar for a man that can't seem to get what he wants-no matter how fantastic his talent. At the end of the film when Bellings utters the line "Nothing ever happens in this shitty town" the frustration is palpable. I think there is a metaphor here that works for Vibenius, who feels as if his business deals and lack of success have been laid upon him by shifty accountants and ne'er do well distributors. Bellings is revealed in the end to just be away from his family for a short time, and he fantasizes a weird regrowth and adult vengeance at the same time. He plays with his toy trains when he feels like it. He hears what he wants. He gets all the girls first by showing his power and then by their uncontrolled lust for him...he plays with his sex and screeches and laughs like a small child. And yes, he even gets to be a hero, blowing up bad guys and helicopters and in the end, he gets his life back. His family.

Sitting with Bo Arne and viewing this was an odd experience for sure. Just as Bellings used his time away from his family to immerse himself in a strange fantasy (or blurry reality), he comes crashing back to his humdrum reality-so must it be to come off of making a film that those responsible pin all of their hopes upon, yet never reach the success they both truly, and feel in their hearts, deserve.

Making a fantastic cult film and watching it wade in obscurity for decades was a real pain I'm sure... and when it does come back to the mainstream consciousness, I'm sure that it was hard as well. Recently THRILLER received a theatrical showing in Sweden. As someone that feels kind of close to the film and the man behind it (though he would probably just as soon fling me off a roof as speak to me), it made me a bit sad to hear that he did not attend. His children did, and that makes me think of Breaking Point all the more. Bo Arne Vibenius is a true talent, and a singular one at that, but I believe that his Bob Bellings is very present, if not real.

Breaking Point is mired in Pseudonyms-and with good reason. It also bears the distinction of having Anton Karras playing the Third Man theme, re-interpolated into the "Head Theme" in the films credits by the ever brilliant Ralph Lundsten. Breaking Point is aurally the equal of Thriller-A Cruel Picture. According to the composer and director, Anton Karas arrived at Lundsten's studio with his Zither and played his most famous song a few times. Those sounds form the basis of the weird score and set the tone for everything that happens to a weird soundscape that is even more effective than Thriller-A Cruel Picture provides. Lundsten again leaves nothing untouched, not content to just create space with his tones and rhythms, but he grabs dialog and makes it feel even more stilted and bizarre than it already does! There is a full on kaliediscope of penetration and car crashing near the end of the film that is a masterwork of the sound and vision elements coming together...you have to get your own to see that my friends.

Filmed in Stockholm and released in 1975-and again banned by Swedish Censors outright, you have to see this Swedish Sinema to believe it. Breaking Point is a fantastic film, and an interesting one as well...hopefully it will see a genuine release someday soon. While I have never seen paperwork regarding any kind of masters, Vibenius told us that he lost the film masters to a New York City distributor many years ago. That should be a hurdle to overcome for any interested licensor! The film is so utterly bizarre that I could see it still being a viable release if done quickly-load that transfer up with commentary (I would go over to Sweden in a heartbeat and wear a wig like a Beastie Boy in a 70s parody in a second) and the market will come.

Also, if you are in Stockholm and feel like visiting one of the famous buildings in the film, Bob Bellings works at the Werner-Gren Institute... check it out. Just don't drink the coffee!!

Finally, here is a list of pseudonyms I've been able to penetrate so far. Anyone with more information on this film, please contact me-I'm always eager to learn more about Bo Arne Vibenius and his work!

-Stan Kowalski (producer Bo Arne Vibenius)
-Ron Silberman Jr. (Director Bo Arne Vibenius)
-Anton Rothchild (Star/DP Andreas Bellis)
-Adam De Loup (Andreas Bellis)
-TURBOman (stunt driving-I can't confirm this yet, but I suspect this is Lars Lundgren)
-Per-Axel Arosenius (Gun Dealer)
-Urban Hitler (special effects-no idea who this is, I just love that name!!)

Sex Stars System coverage of Breaking Point! What a bizarre find. Bo Arne Vibenius did claim that the film showed for YEARS in France.

Bruno Mattei brings Survivor Seduction to YOU!

2011-09-23T11:01:00.001-06:00

I love Omicidio al Telefono, one of Bruno Mattei's trashiest later "giallo" type flicks--and figured it was time to pull out a few choice bits. The music used in the film is an unbelievable mishmash, but nothing-not even the blatant Enigma sex scene, tops SURVIVOR running over a seduction that takes place in what appears to be a dollar store somewhere in Italy.
Nothing says "dollar store pickup" more than this!

Watch for the sexy sniffing of cheap shampoo!!!
Thank you Bruno, I truly am made better by your work.

Breaking Point in the Sex Stars System

2011-09-23T07:59:00.000-06:00

I had to share this page from Sex Stars System because it covers one of my favorite films, BREAKING POINT! I'm still hoping to see it find a way to be released in a legitimate version, because while director Bo A. Vibenius will always be remembered for THRILLER-A CRUEL PICTURE, this weird porn film shakes me up in a totally different way. More of my thoughts on the film are here: PART 1 and PART 2 of "The Breaking Point of Vibenius" will fill you in on what I see in this craziest of Swedish Sin Flicks!

Lost review for the Sensation of 73-HONG KONG HELL CAMP WOMEN

2011-09-22T07:01:00.000-06:00

The trailer is coming soon...but this unearthed footage discusses plot, cast and more!

Hong Kong Hell Camp Women are coming...FOR YOU!

2011-09-18T12:42:00.001-06:00

I certainly don't want to spoil any surprises, but I'm beyond excited to watch this faux trailer project I wrote some time back being brought to vivid life by the one and only Jay Piscopo. One of my upcoming blog projects for the winter is EUROTRASH TRADING CARDS and here is the first "chase" item. HONG KONG HELL CAMP WOMEN. This card includes just a touch of the trash references that HKHCW will include. Introducing Doctor J.A. Lazer--THE SADISTIC SCIENCE MONSTER!!

Click for full sized image, print and enjoy. Soon you'll be collecting them all!!!
UPDATE...
And here we have the ex-stripper turned Kumite Champion turned Agent of Labios Rojos...MS. SHATTERFACE!

DiscoSex--Jean Rollin and the Groovy Credits

2011-09-12T22:15:00.000-06:00

Lots of sex and not nearly enough disco mark this Jean Rollin porn film--but the music and hand turned credits are GROOVY!!

French YOR trailer!!

2011-09-12T15:08:00.000-06:00

Now this is cool and I hope it inspires you to look at all my Yor material and enjoy our favorite HUNTER FROM THE FUTURE!!

Yor - le chasseur du futur by stebzh

Showgirl! Joe D'Amato finishes his final Porn Shot - The Animated Version

2011-09-01T14:56:00.000-06:00

I couldn't resist making a flash animated review for my SHOWGIRL review. The film, and Joe D'Amato, deserve the extra mile. Besides, here a robotic version of "Athletic Assplay" is worth a click. Check out the actual review (and it's slightly longer text) right HERE!!

Joe D'Amato and his final SHOWGIRL!
by: Orlof

Showgirl! Joe D'Amato finishes his final Porn Shot

2011-08-30T08:19:00.000-06:00

I did it all for history. It was hard and stiff work...but I had to raise the masts and set sail on the good ship Joe D'Amato Porno once again.

I finally found a copy of SHOWGIRL, the film Joe D'Amato shot in Vegas before going home and passing away two days later! It was released on DVD in Italy in a rather respectful package as the maestro moved on. I don't know if anyone bothered with my look through all the D'Amato porns (it is just on the back burner-I'll get to it after I can wear underwear again and my sperm count is back to average)-but you get Kathleen Stratton, Fredericko Slonisko, Donna Dane and even Teddy Chuck in the credits-which is a good start. Sure I was a little down about the circumstances of the film, but other parts of me were immediately UP thanks to Joltin' Joe just doing what he does so well.

While the Cheap location work is evident (1 strip club, 1 apartment, walking around Vegas at night), it does have a stripped back appeal that shows Vegas without the fast cutting and raucous music running over the big lights of the gambling monolith. Instead it feels like a brightly lit version of a crawl down 70s Grindhouse flicks version of 42nd St. in NYC. For 80 minutes and 7 sex scenes the ambiance of the exteriors is actually a nice bit of unglam for your eyeballs.

"Hello...I'm Showgirl...I wanna dance. Hey-Ashlyn Gere?? AWESOME!"

Briefly, we have our one Showgirl, who comes to Vegas to make money. She has a boyfriend. She does her due diligence in a strip club owners pants to secure a job and is sucked (harhar) into a whirlwind (well, a succession) of sexual encounters. She then decides to go back to her boyfriend, treating him to her improved techniques thanks to all the practice she gets as she works the pole(s) of Vegas. The end.
Athletic Assplay included.

Uh...over here...I...oh, already busy with a tryout?

Thankfully the ASSistant Manager is on booty duty!

The DVD is pretty interesting, it is one of those "narrated" deals. The film proper is in Italian and not dubbed. Every so often a woman speaks over the film to tell us what is going on. The best part is that our Showgirl shares both Joy and Sorrow with us during her trip through the underworld of Vegas. I don't know, she seems pretty happy as a blonde sandwich filling to me. Go figure.

Yes...just like fingercuffs!

This isn't as groovy as many of his earlier porn films, there is no trippin' through the genres you'll see from his Hercules or WIP or Crime porns sadly. But he knows how to shoot porn and even had me kind of turning my head to figure out what in the hell is going on at one point. The lead dude must be some kind of athlete / dancer, he likes to stand on kitchen bars and put one foot on the ceiling and the other pointed down to make a weird, and I'd think moderately dangerous for all involved, water spout effect. I definitely enjoyed his goofy take on the dancing sequences as well, because I have been to several clubs of the strip variety and never seen that much self love on the main floor. Ah well, I'm not complaining, it isn't realism we are shooting for is it?

Wow...thanks for coming back to me baby--uh, boy, you sure got some new skills!

It was fun and I learned a lot--but I'm just worn up, down and out!

Eva Henger wasn't very prolific in porn, but the disc bio makes her sound like a star. She is pretty OK, though frankly she falls short of even Tara Buckman in the acting department. Seemed comfortable in all aspects of her job, including athletic assplay and vigorous vacuuming of multiple surfaces simultaneously. I was more impressed by her co-star, Jazmine-whose final film would be entitled "The Best Ass In The World."

Not a classic, but a landmark. I wonder if any of my Trash Blogger pals can help me here. I know I saw images (either in an old AVN or a fanzine) of D'Amato getting his lifetime achievement award from the AVN awards. There was even a picture! I need to find it, and I wonder if Showgirl was shot during that trip? The IMDB has Showgirl as 98, but I've long heard that he shot this, went home and passed away. Also, any of you porn mavens know if AVN put those shows on video? Maybe there is some video of that presentation, I'd love to see it!!

And finally--the disc includes some trailers. 1 featured Jazmine (yay) and seemed very standard stuff. However, it had one CRAZY feature. The soundtrack to the trailer is "Another One Bites The Dust" in all it's real glory. Picture with me...two girls in schoolgirl outfits and man chowder is flying on them in slow motion as Freddie Mercury intones "HEY! Gonna get you too...another one bites the dust!"

Do Do Do Dum Dum DumDUMDUMDOODUM...SPLAT!

Credits of course...YES--TEDDY CHUCK!!

Il mostro dell' opera - Zoom to the Black??

2011-08-24T19:36:00.001-06:00

I really enjoy the cinema of Renato Polselli, and finally got to watch a subtitled-if not a touch battered-version of Il mostro dell' opera.
This movie is amazing. It is as strange, barbaric, twisted and sex drenched (given the limits of the time) as any of his other films that I've encountered.
But you know me a bit dear reader, and you know I'm always looking for the little stuff. So, check out this "fade to black on a woman's crotch" that may not feature EuroBoosh like the Maestro Franco would do, but is this a scoop on the technique? Enquiring TRASH FANS want to know!
Crotch To Black-1964 style!

I don't recall this masterful technique in pre-64 Franco! That said, Franco really created the genre of Zoomin in the Labios Rojos for sure-but I must admit to being stunned by Il mostro....

Frankenstein 2000 - A Joltin' Joe D'Amato Production

2011-08-18T18:13:00.002-06:00

I was in a Joltin' Joe D'Amato mood yesterday, so I busted out the Raro disc of Return From Death. Bottom of the barrel? Maybe. But I enjoy this final horror gasp from D'Amato.

Briefly, F2K (that is a snazzy way to list this film methinks) is about a hot MILF and her little son and their big lug handyman and the hijinx that ensue when you toss in a trio of raping thugs harassing the nice lady. MILF with psychic powers = Cinzi Monreale! Handyman / Re-Animated monster = Donald O'Brien. Dude that has a lot of money and tries to cover everything up while fucking semi flabby yet sorta hot chick = Maurice Poli. Everyone else is pretty much 1 timers or stumbling trash background players.

Thugs attempt rape. Handyman saves day. MILF moves objects with mind and sees visions of her son having his head removed in weird ways. Thugs return and beat up handyman and attack MILF. Everyone goes to the hospital except for thugs of course and Handyman gets framed. MILF goes all Patrick Lives Again and re-animates handyman. He kills everyone. He squashes a head. He attends a party (in this Germany shot film) at a club called HEIL and everyone is dressed up
with pictures of Hitler all around (??)! And yes, Donald O'Brien has Frankenstein make up. Love conquers all? Not really.

The pace is sort of slow at times and the incompetent actors and dubbing may grate your nerves-but the payoffs are there. O'Brien is hysterical walking with a limp and growling out his lines until it is time to walk and kill everyone.

F2K also features one of my favorite plot devices in a long time. Franco Ferrini must have snuck on set. One of the rapists loses a contact lens during the big incident. MILFs boyfriend actually FINDS it...IN THE DARK!! Luckily for him the rapist RETURNS to the scene to find the lens??? His eye goo is better than a fingerprint according to the dialog!!

Gore is minimal and silly, but fun in a trashy way. The rubber head squash is shown way to many times to be effective as a gore setpiece, but it goes so over the top that I love it. Any movie that has Maurice Poli (in 1991) as Master Cocksman? I love it. Cinzia Monreale as the hausfrau in stockings? LOVE IT!! Bonus to Laura Gemser for her contributions in costuming there!

Also cool is veteran musician Piero Montanari bringing the BOOPBOOPBEEPBOOP
Fwwaaaaahhhhhhh score. I have it on CD (where the disc says FRANKENSTAIN 2000) and it is vintage 80s electronic trash. It almost lives up to his work on Gangland Bangers and Tarzan X!

The Raro disc looks great by the way, a must for Junk Cinema hounds. Also, there is a fun interview with the writer of the film where he talks about being inspired by Buio Omega and Aenigma. He tells a funny story about Donald O'Brien as well. He was at D'Amato's home and had a fall that left him injured. Not only was he left limping but he suffered some minor facial paralysis. Sounds pretty bad right? Well, D'Amato knew he had found his star now, he could pull off a monster role since he was nursing a real handicap!!

So, fall in Joe's house and get a role. I wish I could have met him and walked around with a raging hard on. "Uh, Joe...I incurred this erection on your property. Wouldn't it be great if you could cast me as "short guy that gets blow job from Rosa Caracciolo" in your next flick??

Thanks!

From the final Joe D'Amato film...

2011-08-18T07:45:00.000-06:00

This title card appears in the final Joe D'Amato film, SHOWGIRL. Fitting...very much so. A movie full of trashy elements exploiting a Hollywood film remembered for it's trashy elements. VIVA JOE!

The joy of having known a person extraordinary will remain forever in us.

Demons VHS Advertisment

2011-08-04T16:34:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite films, Lamberto Bava's masterwork of Goo, Gore, Pimps and Punishment...DEMONS! Check out this cool VHS ad!
Click to read the fantastic blurbage too!

Christina, Princess of Eroticism / Virgin Among The Living Dead

2011-08-04T10:47:00.000-06:00

I was looking at this sleeve for the X-Rated KultVideo version of A Virgin Among The Living Dead and found that there was so much information on the disc that it would be easier to just share a big scan. Click and enjoy. And yes...that is Jess Franco's autograph!!

Eerie Publications Author...INTERVIEWED!

2011-08-02T06:25:00.001-06:00

The Sultan of Chapeau, Mike Howlett, was interviewed about his terrifying tome, THE WEIRD WORLD OF EERIE PUBLICATIONS right here. STARE in awe at the awesome. SCREECH if you realized you don't own this book. Then pick it up and enter a world of Ghastly Sequential Groovy Grooves!!
My review is here! Right...HERE. REVIEW!

Then Is Now - Episode 1 from Saugus Community Television on Vimeo.

And if you don't buy, TONY THE PIMP--the amazing BOBBY RHODES--is gonna beat the author till he makes his quota!!