Hong Kong Hell Camp Women restored US Trailer

We found it!!!  The lost trailer for the soon to be unleashed HONG KONG HELL CAMP WOMEN!!! 

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Halloween Horrors #6 Al Bundy vs. The Grim Reaper

I was thrilled to find the complete MARRIED...WITH CHILDREN boxset in my mailbox this week, but couldn't figure out when to watch them.  And then it hit me. Halloween episodes!!  It appears there is only one that is dedicated to the holiday, so that is part of this month's viewing.  Episode 164 (Season 8 episode 7) is TAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE and is a solid effort with The Bundy Family. 
Bud, Kelly and Peggy are all ready for Halloween with their amazing custom costumes that lead into Kelly saying she ran out of ideas for hers.  Check it out.

Of course Marcy and Jefferson are in trouble this holiday as well. Marcy is hosting a party for "Women Who Killed Their Husbands Just To Watch Them Die" and can't live up to what she has promised them for a 100 dollar fee. The Village People.  Yes, the real ones make an appearance and get beat down by the women, but our little troupe ends up performing as the dick swinging disco ducks as well. They only have one song. YMCA. Of course.

Al arrives home and prays yet again for death to come and take him from his humdrum life...and The Grim Reaper arrives.  It could take the form of his greatest fantasy or worst nightmare.  And....

Of course. 
The Reaper offers Al one simple chance to get out of hell (which he is actually in the process of going to since Kelly left a toxic canister open in the house while Al sleeps on the couch). Without his prompting one of the family has to need him. 
Crap!

Luck strikes and the near fatal beatings dealt out to the Village People saves him.  If you like Married...With Children than you will definitely enjoy this episode. The reaper stuff isn't as funny as you would hope (frankly, I wanted to see Al suddenly turned on by Dark Peg and throw her a tricky treat)-but the bits with the angry women are hilarious and Ted McGinley is fantastic as usual. He gets some really funny bits while dressed as the Village Person with the jumbo mustache. 
And hey...this episode was nominated for an Emmy for Best Costuming.  I'll take Deathly Peg anyday!

Halloween Horrors #5 - HATCHET 2

I loved Hatchet.  It was funny and gory and front loaded with Boobs a Poppin'.  What more could you ask for?  A sequel that brings more gore and more boobs and more humor.  Well, Hatchet 2 does that, but I can't say I thought it was as fun as the first. 
Picking up from the first film, Marybeth escapes from the monstrous Victor Crowley and finds out that her daddy is involved in the terrible legends birth.  Oh oh.  She heads back to the city to talk to Reverend Zombie again...and now the Rev has a plan to get rid of Crowley and take the swamp for himself. 
I don't understand the legality of any of this, but boy...there are some fucking crazy gore scenes that made me forget about how dumb the premise is.
And the saga of Victor Crowley is related in VERY LONG AND DRAWN OUT, yet effective, FASHION. 

Hatchet 2 isn't really a reviewable flick in my opinion.  It isn't much different from the first, so fans should be satisfied.  It is equal to the original in the gore department, I loved many of the gags (and *chokes*) because they varied from the HOLY SOCKS THAT IS NASTY to HAH...I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT! type of flesh flinging.  The giant double chainsaw splatter scene is so cool that it deserves to be seen by every horror fan at least once.  So, gore is all good.
The pace is really awkward though, and that is where it falls really short.  The quick start then goes into the back story that features an awesome narration by Tony Todd.  Note, if you need to tell a ghost story, have Tony Todd tell it.  Lesson learned from Hatchet 2.  Don't have Tony Todd talk for an incredibly long time. 
Once the film settles in and the Haunted Hunters head into the swamp things fly by. And finally the humor of the first film returns.  I got a kick out of the silent dude (who only mouths "what the fuck" at one point) and have to give the sex scene that contains the line "that's inappropriate" deserves hall of fame status for funny bits in a slasher.  I haven't laughed that hard in a while during a horror film, and then someone gets a swift hatchet in the crotch to punctuate the scene. OUCH. 
Tony Todd is always good, and when he faces off with Crowley at the end we see that he is one BIG dude and plays the intimidating guy for a reason most times.  Kane Hodder pulls double duty and is great as well. If this had been 85 minutes and not quite so drawn out I think it would have been the original films equal.  As it stands, this is a great flick to watch when it is on your cable channels and fans of the original may be a little let down, but as a wild wet kiss to slasher fandom, Hatchet 2 strikes the right notes. Maybe a few too many times, but why not?
And Danielle Harris was on my TV for the second time this week in a horror sequel!  I ain't complaining about that at all.  Chromeskull and Hatchet 2 couldn't be more different, but both are fun rides for those that want a bit of horror in their Halloween.

Halloween Horrors 2011 #4 - Planet of the Living Dead

Zombie Comics.  Well, there are lots-but I'm partial to checking out some of the smaller press books and like Antarctic Press in general, so it was fun to pull out the three PLANET OF THE LIVING DEAD releases. Very interesting-it takes Zombies and Space Settings (holy Dead Space) and stirred it up with an Manga Shotgun stylings to tell a different kind of zombie story.
What is most interesting to me is that the series is told in one shot style, skipping the drop off of sales for an unproven #2 or #3 that tends to occur in the wild world of comic shop ordering. I'm glad they did it, even though each installment really doesn't work as stand alone episodes, at least the book is coming out fairly regularly.  Check 'em out.

Planet of the Living Dead gets things rolling well, though it certainly takes a bit of time introducing the cast of characters in typical Alien fashion.  A spaceship. A planet beckons. A lander lands.  Zombies GRARGH! Finale.  Not exactly deep thinking, but I got what I wanted for sure.  The change up that I really liked was taking the "corporate weasel" character of Mr. Jek and making him not only an aggressive asshole, but a legit badass as well.  You'll go through the entire rev up waiting for him to scream and get eaten, but instead he goes ballistic, kicks ass and abandons all the good characters to die, surrounded by zombies and ready to get munched with an oath of vengeance on their lips. 
The dialog is really solid and the artwork is a nice gritty selection of black and white digital art.  I was really impressed by the detail in both the ships and the zombies here, it made the entire thing fun to look at, even when it was overlong in the setup. 
I'm not a big fan of the manga sound effects thing, but it does add a little element of cool to the sounds of the zombies here. They ooze across the page and in the readers ear as well.  I wanted more and WHAM! I got it.

Another spaceship arrives...this time loaded up with a robot packin' investigation team to check out the planet. No human life is detected, but after another lengthy set up and more nice Hutchinson artwork, the big power suit touches down and has a mega battle with the zombie population.  As with the first volume there is a nice twist that has the outbreak spread with a slightly less than BOO-YAH finish for our MechPilot! 
Again, the dialog is spot on and the art is really nice-Hutchinson has a feel for both the small interiors of the ship and then spreading out the zombie hordes.  This volume is a little cleaner looking in the art, though I'm not sure I preferred that.  Another fun read and another END? ending... I kept my hopes high for BATTLE FOR THE PLANET OF THE LIVING DEAD!

Another issue that doesn't disappoint! This time we follow a slightly average joe on his way to work and WHAM...ZOMBIE ATTACK.  This issue follows the formula with a good introduction to the characters, but focuses on more large scale horror.  A story well told, I have to admit to missing Hutchinson here, but the style is very similar and appears to use the same digital tools.  This installment has a lot more weaponry and ballistic bashing, which is always welcome.  I have to say though, it sure looks like Rod Espinosa is looking forward to the ID game RAGE as much as I am.
A cool little series, I definitely look forward to it being collected in a trade for one full throttle zombie experience! 

Halloween Horrors 2011 #3 CHROMESKULL - Laid to Rest 2

I really enjoyed Robert Hall's film LAID TO REST. It had gore. It had a stylish looking killer. It had a minimalistic plot.  Good music.
LOTS of films have the above elements, but very few put them together as well as the first Chromeskull outing however.  I don't like Laid To Rest actually. I love it.  This was a movie that didn't skimp on style and action and instead of feeling like a slapped together gorefest that just didn't bother with a script, there was a genuine attempt at atmosphere that reminded me of seeing Phantasm for the first time.  It shouldn't hold together, but for me the original film creates an atmosphere that is all to easy to miss in most modern low budget horror films. Real uncertainty is king and you never can tell what is going to happen because you aren't sure what is happening in the original.  Can the sequel follow in the same sharp black suit and shiny death's head fashion?
Yes!

Picking up where the first film left off, the girl that fucked up Chromeface the first time is being left behind by the other survivor.  Already we aren't certain as to where this will all go, and in hi-tech Friday the 13th Part 2 tradition it doesn't take long for the film to go on a completely different, new and unpredictable direction.  Chromeskull is not what he seemed, as he gets treatment and protection as he is mended up by surgeons from his failure in the previous film.  But who could he be?  All we do know is that there is a power struggle in Chromeskull Kickass Inc. as his nasty UltraSlaughterer wannabee assistant Preston tries to assume the mantle of Chromeskull, tying up loose ends that include a police investigation into the death of The Girl.  But wait, another accomplice to Chromeskull is jockeying for position too. She wants Preston out, Preston wants in so much so he wants to rule the roost and Chromeskull is pissed.  Seriously pissed.  I do not want to be on the  edge of his wrath.  Oh, and of course, Chromeskull wants to play as his assistants set up a "new playspace" for him.
Lost?  Yeah, that is why it works.  I can understand some viewers distress. We know nothing of who Chromeskull is, we don't know how he has a shadow network that seems to extend into the FBI or really anything else.  I say good on you Robert Hall.  Because again, somehow, Laid To Rest has left me wondering how the movie is flying by so quickly and never feeling bogged down by nonsensical cliches that get repeated from earlier films and take me out of the action.  It wouldn't work for every film, but given the success of the original, this one doesn't disappoint.    And if you think you are full of questions now, be sure to stick all the way through the credits.
And bonus points for Chromeskull trodding on Godzilla's star. I loved that.

I can't put my finger exactly on what I loved about the Laid To Rest films, but I can tell you that they are technically VERY well made.  The photography is super sharp and the design of Chromeskull and his weapons are as iconic as anything I can think of, right up with Jason and the machete, Freddy and the glove or even Leatherface and his 'saw.  The acting, especially in Chromeskull, is shockingly solid. Brian Austin Green, who also has a producing credit, lets it all hang out as Preston and I kept looking at him and trying to picture him in any role I would have seen him play before.  Nope. This is a spot on maniacal bit of work.  Everyone I know that has seen this seemed really put off by one character decision late in the film by the character, but for me it completely captures the appeal of this film.  Not to spoil the end, if you wonder why there is a tattoo artist in Chromeskull's lair then I think you are missing the point. Of course there is! This isn't "oh baby don't go back in the house" territory, this is "what a bizarre world we are in" storytelling.  I loved that.
And the gore!  Amazing effects that accentuate make-up and physical effects combined with very smart use of CGI that never feels crappy and forced.  Alright, dear Friday The 13th rights holders. Be sure to get Almost Human Inc. on board for a sequel and reshoot EVERY famous deleted gore sequence and jam them into one film. Now.  My jaw dropped not only at the level of violence in each death scene, but that they are all pulled off without a hitch.  Awesome, I don't want to spoil even one.  See this flick. Enjoy it. Or don't. But I bet you won't forget it.

Halloween Horrors 2011 #2 - .com for murder

Nico Mastorakis. You say the name and I say GOAT!!  Island of Death is one of the great trash films of all, but he never did quite equal that feat.  .com for murder is no exception. However, it gets a pretty bad rap it would seem, but top loaded with a fun cast, sharp images, a pulpy script that jettisons logic and a groovy beat-it makes for a decent night viewing from the Greek Guru of Oogy Cinema. 
To the haters I say that you calling this movie shit is responded to by computer Z as follows.

Sondra (Nastassja Kinski, who gets a production credit) is cyber chasing her misogynistic dick boyfriend (played by Roger Daltrey!) and finds that he has an account at American Love On Line.  Well, he is chatfucking away and Sondra decides to play around as him.  She raises the ire of a hacker that somehow takes control of her system and uses piss poor fonts to terrorize her.  Then he shows her a real murder.

Sondra has a broken leg (also known as Rear Window-itis) so her hot sister comes by to keep her company in her jacked up CYBER HOME WITH A COMPUTER CALLED HAL!!  I am not making this up. It is awesome. It speaks in a really groovy Quaalude bender voice too.  The hacker decides to kill the girls. Huey Lewis gets involved. (WHAT. THE. FUCK???) And The News in this one?  The amazingly hot Melinda Clark.  Damn.  This is a great cast doing silly things in a crazy movie that has a dude in funky "cybershades" stalking a Kinski.

You can't mess with that. 
There is a painstaking synopsis right here on the Omega site, and better yet there is some behind the scenes material that talks about Mastorakis regarding working with Kinski as chewing on razorblades.  But this is what I can tell you about the film.  I enjoyed it because amongst the spectacularly stupid detritus there are some pretty sharp moments that stood out. I really liked the look of the dark scenes with the weird "cyber" lighting.  Also, the killer played by Jeffery Dean may talk some silly shit, but he plays it with so much goofy intensity I really liked him.  Bring on the next monolog Jeffery!!!  In the sequel I want a zombie Werther to read Frank Miller's HOLY TERROR instead of this stuff.

Also interesting, Andreas Bellis of Thriller-A Cruel Picture and Breaking Point fame is the director of photography and he finds some neat ways to prowl around flat screens that work well.  The score is decent and also adds a bit of ambiance to the movie when it is used well. 

I could watch Melinda Clark eat an apple for 10 minutes, I could gawk at Huey Lewis as a grizzled cop for 10 minutes, I could watch Nastassja Kinski roll around in a wheelchair for 1 minute and Nicolette Sheridan has an interesting "countdown to extinction" bit that I watched for about 20 minutes. It about adds up to .com for murder.  It ain't killer, but it ain't bad either.

Halloween Horrors 2011 #1 - SLITHIS

Halloween Horrors returns!  Every year I keep track of what I'm watching and am amazed that I watch as little straight Horror as I think I do.  So, October is the month to dedicate myself to the genre that spooked me as a kid and chills me as an adult!  Let's get crackin' skulls!

HALLOWEEN HORROR #1  

SLITHIS

Slithis is one of the films that makes me think of the kids book Paulie Pastrami.  Young Paulie achieves "world peace" by giving cupcakes out to everyone he meets. I think I'd do this with monster movies-and Slithis, while not a particularly stunning achievement, it is a perfect bit of man in a suit going GWARRRRRRRGH and terrorizing a small community that just might heal any emotional wounds you may have.
Just say it...SPAWN OF THE SLITHIS.  Feels good.  Do it for 50 minutes and then send me 90 bucks.

How many movies feature slow motion fat kid playing frisbee to a six million dollar man style sound?  ONE.
SLITHIS!

How many monster movies have a turtle wearing an umbrella?  ONE.
SLITHIS!!!!

The best thing about Slithis is that it defines the term "ease of use" in the script department.  Kids stumble over a mutilated dog corpse. They run and an investigation begins.  A schoolteacher that was a journalist and really seems to dislike kids decides to get involved.  Super science explanations involve the word Slithis.
SLITHIS!
People are attacked by an AWESOME rubber monster!!  Some detective work ensues.

SLITHIS!!  Look at that dude!!  SLITHIS!!!
I just like typing Slithis. Sorry.
I'm going to add it to my dictionary so that spellcheck realizes the might of SLITHIS!
Anyway, there is an awesome subplot about the homeless population (of about 4) in this little town.  Not only do they have a social system that must be investigated and information comes in the currency of 5 dollar wine, but they provide fodder for...you know who.
SLITHIS!!!
The filmmakers nailed "gnarly homeless platoon" in true Street Trash manner by the way.

A little more explanation and while our heroes hunt for SLITHIS the monster decides to change his name and go from SLITHIS to SLITHGONNAGETSOMEASS!

Monster suit. Car Attack. Super Science. Boob.  This movie will heal the hole in your soul.
SLITHIS!
There is a big conclusion that has the mega monster getting messed with anchors and belly showing man flying kung fu (sorta).  It is awesome fun...I can't really be critical of camera angles or anything like that. You could show SLITHIS eating cereal and farting while watching cartoons and it would still be great.  See?

Well, it is sort of hard to see actually.  But so it goes.
Slithis is a straight up monster flick from the 70s that will either bore or delight the viewer, depending on their outlook, sense of nostalgia or love of rubbery man beasts.  I love all this and had actually never seen the film before this viewing.  I enjoyed it a lot more than the MegaBeast monsters of recent memory, because the kids look like pictures from my youth and the whole thing has a vibe that doesn't just evoke Creature Double Feature monster movies, but also the time when I watched them.  Stripey shirts, big collars and I think my childhood may have been in that frisbee slow motion at times.
If you love minor monster movies, you really should try SLITHIS!