Lamberto Bava and his Pirates of Caraibi

If there is one thing I can never have enough of, it is Lamberto Bava television mini-series. I've enjoyed Fantaghiro for years, and recently found an Italian DVD of Series 4 that contains English audio.  You can rely on him to bring as much enthusiasm to his fantasy tales as he does his horror, replacing plastic bag over the head brutality with Dragons, beautiful maidens and talking rocks.  Completely by accident I found out that Genius Entertainment had released Caraibi as Pirates: Blood Brothers.  

Yes indeed, I had to see this. A little poking and I noticed it starred Anna Falchi (oh yeeeeah!) and that really got me settled in for the 220 minutes on the DVD.  

Before I go in to the series however, the DVD does include a major caveat.  The first 6 minutes of Pirates: Blood Brothers had me insanely confused as it presented a synopsis of two brothers fighting over a woman (there is Anna Falchi looking beautiful in at least 4 different hairstyles in under 1 minute).  One ends up nearly being executed while the other watches. It doesn't help that the two actors look a lot alike if you are trying to get your bearings by the way....  So, some escaping and some prison breaking occur while the viewer tries to sort out what is going on.  It seems like this version is an international release, and Genius' version contains German titles and intertitles...along with dubbing that sounds pretty much like what I expect a Ginger Lynn / Tom Byron film to sound like if dubbed into Croatian.  It isn't good, but it is serviceable enough to get the points across.  If the 6 disc Greek edition of this series is correct, then basically there is about 100 minutes missing from the show...all the Anna Falchi stuff??  Not exactly...  but like I said, I'll take it where I can get it!

Two brothers, Ferrante and Ippolito obviously messed up and are in deep trouble when we meet them. Each go their own way, and we miss the part where Ferrante expresses his anger with his brother, while Ippolito swears to make restitution because it seems like he KILLED Anna Falchi's character, Livia, while we were not around.  She is the daughter of Count Cornero, a big wig that has it in for the brothers.  Both men escape danger and find different destinies...Ferrante meets up with Devil Claw the pirate (played by Mario Adorf) and becomes the pirate Dark Angel while Ippolito gets involved with the French military as Du Bois and is good at what he does.  The stories veer off as a woman once again finds her way in to the hearts of the brothers and we wait and wait for the two to collide.  Don't take that the wrong way, it is a very enjoyable wait as each adventures on their own-sword fights and other daring events take place and it is all really great to watch.  Given the running time, my wanting to see each brother finish up their stories to merge the two is really a tribute to how well each character is played and put across.  They do meet up and lots of twists and turns ensue. A woman between them again?  The return of a scarred swordswoman? Nudity? Giant Cannons?  Miniature ships exploding? The incredibly hot island woman that had me thinking I'd found my new Eurobabe that looked like Laura Gemser that turns out to be Top Chef Padma Lakshmi??  Yep! 

AWESOME!! 

After a weird condensed opening segment and me realizing with disappointment that the only way I was going to see Anna Falchi in this film was either wearing a mask or facial scar make-up I was totally in to Caraibi.  The stars really work hard and can't be let down by the dubbing no matter how bad it gets-Nicholas Rogers (also of Fantaghiro) is great as the pirate leader and obsessed brother and gets excellent support from Adorf and especially the side cast of assistants to Paolo Seganti.  Judging from the Greek packaging, these guys were almost the stars in some marketers minds!  It is fast, funny in spots, loaded with action that is surprisingly well handled on a large scale on a television budget without sparing the trademarked, even by Lamberto, physical effects. Miniature ship battles, with a little CGI no less, are groovy-and these are good ones.  Given that it is nearly 3 1/2 hours long (and still cut down!) I did not find any boring bits at all! 

The ladies in the television audience must have loved the two male stars, it appears Nicholas Rogers has a devoted following, but I'm more qualified to discuss the ladies of the film, and as in any good pirate tale, they buckle--and unbuckle--a whole lot of swash.  

Anna Falchi is pretty much a side story now, but she does a great job when she gets to go berserk and swordfight with the brothers.  All the revealing bits are gone, but she looks nice in the montage. In the movie she looks like a musketeer in a mistress of Satan mask before she goes all 80s psycho and attacks everyone. I hate spoiling things, but her final scene is very unique and would have played with more emotional resonance had I watched the other parts...but she shows that she isn't just an amazing pair of legs. Or incredible backside. Or astonishing bosom. Or beautiful lips...or...or...alright, you get my point.  Falchi was also the lead in 2 other Bava television films, The Dragon Ring (across from Franco Nero) and The Princess and the Pauper.  She must have had a blast as the bad girl this time-and it shows.  More prominent here are Padma Lakshmi, who cuts a mean profile in Island Girl attire, but really can show off as a busty lusty pirate as well. I was SHOCKED to see her name in the credits, because she is great and pulls off the female lead of the film well. She shares the spotlight with Jennifer Nitsch who goes the other way and provides the emotional glue of the film. 

Overall, I guess you would have to be a fan of adventure films and take in to account what you are watching before setting your expectations at the blockbuster pirate film level...but I think this is an excellent example of Lamberto Bava continuing on and working in the Italian genre films using the resources available.  Bottom line...if I find this complete and subtitled in English, I'm in for another 5 hours!